Have you ever been so mad at being judged without even doing whatever you were accused of? well add embarrassment and a derogatory view of you by even those who do not know you and thats how you feel when called a “slut”. In this century, 75% of relationships contain sex , and 15% of the rest have pressure for sex in them or some form of alternative sexual activity. Imagine a lady ,that dates about 7 guys before she finds her husband. Let’s note that she probably will have sex with five(5) of the seven (7) guys while in a relationship with them and some form of sexual activity with the other two. Thats not to say that people don’t date without sex but with the amount of pressure on social media , and in our society its a very low percentage that copes without sex. So tell me , that lady is a slut by society’s standards isn’t she?
Let’s move past those that actually monitor another person’s sex life to those who decide your tag as a ‘ slut’ or ‘a hoe’ . Their parameters include your attire, what you say or most inane of all , your instagram or social media feed.
What makes a person a slut?
Apparently in our society , you have to be a female for the term slut/hoe to be a derogatoy term. In true double standard fashion, it is perfectly respectable for a male to be a slut or a hoe. The male species seems to even be more revered when they are called terms like this. That is why , it is okay for a guy to go about having sex with every tom , dick and harry with no consequences and yet it is the ladies that end up being called sluts?
Lets think about this logically , blaming a mutual activity on a person gives that person a higher level of responsibility therefore making me draw the conclusion that society assumes the girl child is more intellectually developed than the male child. Yet a man would be the first to argue that they assume a sort of protector role in the relationship. Isn’t it socially accepted for the protector to take responsibility? or am i mistaking my societal rules?
If you wear certain attires that expose more than people consider appropriate , you will be called a slut. I have even experienced an instance on social media where a married lady was called a slut because of her make up. I mean that is just plain ridiculous, you would agree with me.
Why society calls you a slut?
You’re a female
because you are different and they do not understand how that is possible
especially when you wear fashionable outfits and dare to look bangin’ in them
or when you dare to express your sexuality .( I mean its simply not done for you to expect good sex or talk about it)
infact when you are a confident Boss Lady and are completely goal oriented
because society is full of judgemental ignorant fools, thats why.
What calling a person a slut says about you
It is really stupid for you to judge a person when we all sinning. We all have our skeletons , and it would be hypocritical to call another person a sinner. Remember you are a sinner too, just for another sin. And yes, that includes you guys who make it your hobby to break up marriages because you apparently slept with the soon -to-be-wife. Like your wife has not been bedded by someone else. I refuse to accept that it is okay for him to be praised for being active sexually and yet the same guy can expects me to be a virgin (untouched ) in every sense before i can be considered marriageable material. It’s not okay that males can be so far removed from the concept of being chaste and discerning in their sexual life that it seems like acient babble to them when i as a female have to adhere strictly to the rules or suffer the demeaning concequences that come with being tagged a slut.
Funny enough, one would think that a female would be one to shun this tag completely for her fellows. Unfortunately the opposite is true. In fact it is the females that are the first to take up the banner and stigmatize another. I mean does jealousy or envy justify such a derogatory term ? What happened to the lifting other females up and fixing each others crowns? A casual ‘oh she gets around a lot’ here and another ‘ oh i wont say shes a slut but she has sex with many people’ there. Soon people begin to see her in a different light with the occassional name calling and back talk.
Let’s talk about the trolls and religious fanatics
Most of those who have the time to troll other people and appoint themselves judge and jury over another are usually jobless. Doesn’t that say something more about the person that calls you a slut than you, who is being called a slut ? I have noticed that most times when people see someone who is completely confident in her sexuality , the response of weak people is to fall back to slut- shaming.
If you decide to come for me from the religious aspect, i am sure whether you are a christian or muslim that no where in both religious books did it state that you should go ahead and judge anybody by your standards. Infact, as a christian i will call your attention to the part in the bible that says “Judge not that ye shall not be judged”
Matthew 7:1-20
King James Version (KJV)
1 Judge not, that ye be not judged.2 For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again3 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?
Now that that has been established, why dont we all just simply stop hiding behind things like religion, culture, morals and simply just mind our buisness.
Justifying rape because she is a Slut
In case you don’t know , tagging a female a slut does not just stop there. It has a rebound effect. If that lady gets raped it is 90% your fault. Sure there is no excuse for rape. But I have heard situations where a lady has been tagged a slut and one guy decides to taste too . He probably approaches her and she turns him down. He is furious because well she has “loose morals “ how can she say no. So he rationalizes that she wants him to force her. He then goes on to rape her.
Can you see how keeping your mouth shut and minding your business would have helped? That aside slut or not, how can a person justify rape? I mean there is simply no excuse. Whatever she wears or says or does does not make it okay to force her. I mean you can always just look away. Rape is NOT and will NEVER be the “victims” fault.
Anybody that blames a female for being raped and tags her a slut or hoe after is sick and I just hope that person never experiences rape.
If you can’t tell this is an issue that really gets to me. I mean if a lady chooses to use her body to help her make ends meet I’m sure it wasn’t her 1st choice. You who decided to judge her , how much have you contributed to her life? The truth is most times people that judge others are guilty of worse. If you cannot help her , and you cannot ask her to help you then sit your ass down and face your life. How does bringing another down help you is a question I continue to ask myself.
A world without the tag ‘SLUT’
Imagine a world where the female code was not only for rep sake on social media but was actually a code that we lived our lives by. Just think, a world filled with Queens that lifted each other up. A world where Kings let go of the irrelevant things and focused on building an empire. That’s the world i want to be in, that’s the world that would be worth living in. I refuse to believe that me talking about this would not make a difference. I have joined the band wagon for change, no matter how little an impact this makes it will still somehow help us get the change we want.
A friend told me to not bother myself about it, it’s just the way society is and it will not change in this generation, he said. No matter, i still add my little drop to the puddle of water, someday it will become an ocean.
Ladies, be confident, know yourselves, help each other, take a stand for change. Let the revolution start with you !!!!!!
Imagine my 15 year old cousin making fun of the fact that i am still a single pringle. Yes o!If you follow me on IG and have me on whatsapp you have probably seen this on my status/story. I will keep saying it though because it touched the bottom of my junk-food filled belly. If you happen to be single like me and have friends that any little thing its ‘lovey-dovey’ time , you kow how pained i am.
Last week i went with my aunt @kemisolamoradeyo who is a relationship counselor to an event.On the way back in the taxify cab we started up a conversation about Davido and Chioma (i will just skip that part because if i start to talk ehn…)
Anyways , we (i, my aunt and the taxify driver) began to discuss relationships and what men want from a lady. (maybe i’ll do a blog post on that from my aunts point of view). Now this talk was long and it moved from one topic to another. The driver supported the fact that my aunt said that no man right now wants a lady who does not have a job or a business of interest. He went further to give an example of a lady who he was dating that spends 2 days learning tailoring and the rest partying. A 29 year old lady who will travel from Illorin to Lagos to party. – picture me with my mouth open here because it just sounded like a Nollywood movie script.
That aside , we then began to discuss ladies and guys who are single and yet are good-looking and well set up with a job/business. That was the conversation that inspired this post.
If youre younger and you feel like this post is for the older ones,think again and if you are older and think this post is for the younger ones,you got it all wrong.
Serving it to you straight here is the F code to why you (we) are still single
You’re not putting your best foot foward
Our generation is the ‘Slay Age’ as my aunt calls it and its a really apt description. I mean, there are times i see a 13 year old on instagram and i know that on IG she simply blows me out if the water. So tell me why when there are younger teens with the best dress sense ever , you now decide to use the most blurry unflattering picture ever as your dp. In as much as i am 10005% on this table that i am shaking and a devout supporter of the “lazy’ type of style, make sure your lazy is chic too. Starting this brand ‘Lazytrendychic’ is as much for my benefit as it is for yours, this blog has motivated me to dress better and make an effort (still lazy but well #shrug emoji).
The fact is dressing lazy is not bad as long as it is lazy and chic. One thing my aunt said stuck with me. She said if she takes her kid son to the mall to pick a toy, he is automatically drawn to the shiny, prettily packaged toys first. This she related to both men and ladies. No matter how non-materialistic you are you still are drawn to appearances . So if you are drawn to fine nicely dressed guys , how come you ignore the fact that this applies to you too.
Dress up to feed your ego darlings. Do it for you!
Ditch your ‘Dream Man’ fixation
Eyyyyy! before you all come for me , i am not saying you lower your standards! For no reason at all should you lower your standards. Now lets be honest here, we all know that our dream men posess qualities that are just simply outrageous/ridiculous. I mean you find a fine bobo , 6’2 tall, good behaviour and just because your dream man has six packs and he doesn’t you say no. Pssst! take it from me, your villagers are at work. Hopefully las las its not a midget aunty will marry.
On a more serious note though, we all need to re-evaluate and formulate more realistic expectations. Remember that at the end of the day, all you need is someone that makes you genuinely happy.
Break Free of your past
There is a catch phrase coined by my continuously mentioned aunt that just explains this point for me .
“Shenk the Sheges”
Dear darling girl or guy, you are out of that relationship for a reason. You cannot keep carrying a torch for your ex. In case you were not aware,everyone gives off a vibe subconsiously. No matter how much you want to get back into the game, without leaving the past behind you will keep giving off an unapproachable vibe to people interested in you.
your ex , in this case is the ‘shege’. You need to Shenk – ditch the Shege– bad luggage.
Plus , we all should be careful what kind of vibe we give off and we should also be doubly careful to not completely judge by the vibe a person gives off. It may all be in your head, so you gotta try to know for sure, Shikena.
You just don’t give a f#ck
Pardon the obscene word but honestly , those on this table just know themselves. If you fall into this category just smile to yourself. All i can say is Do your make up… or not ,dress up, go out and make the cash while having fun. When its the right time , the right guy will find you. Remember this tips for later.
Do not forget to like and comment guys. Plus share to every one you know and those you don’t. You can also follow me on IG @ireprubies and turn on post notifications to know when there is a new blog post. I try to post at least once a week but ideally twice (Tuesday and Saturday).
A Diary is a book full of your hopes, dreams, secrets and life lessons.
Keeping a Diary was the second thing I was dedicated to in high school. My Diary was my bestie (You can see why I did not have a real bestie HERE) and my confidante, it held basically everything about my life and the lessons I learned in it. After I had people steal and read my first diary ever, I made sure the next diary had a lock.
For me junior school is sort of a blur, it was all about getting good grades and following the rules. By the time I got to SS2 however, I realized that I barely remembered anything about junior school. Determined to change that I made sure to change up my habits and have fun. A few weeks ago though, I came across my diaries and I sat down and went through them again. It took a while but reading the diaries really opened my eyes and put a lot of things in perspective. Here are a few life lessons I want to share with you that I learned from reading my diaries again.
Live Life to the fullest so you do not have regrets.
One thing I do regret about secondary school is the fact that I did not open up fast. While reading my diary I discovered that going to the hostel in Jss3 saw a particular incident that caused a change in my behavior. After deciding to actually live , I then began to see life in color, have fun, make memories – sad, happy, fun and somber. Truthfully this life lesson may seem like one that is a given. Unfortunately, you would be surprised at how many people are going through life with grey colored glasses on. From the moment I decided to actually live, I began to make memoirs. Looking back now, the memories I have are mainly of those final days in school.
Throughout high school, I did not date anyone not because I did not want to but because I was convinced that I had met the love of my life. Reading this in my diary was both embarrassing, funny and sad at once. While reading I began to try to pinpoint one reason why I decided I was in love with him and I still cannot find one. I was totally infatuated with him (and the laugh lines around his eyes). I was so sure he was the one that I decided to wait around till he was ready to date me. Unfortunately for me, after wasting a lot of time I finally pulled up the courage to talk to him only to get a good dose of reality and heartbreak.
Reading through this I once again felt a sort of replica of the pain I was going through. Seeing how much I cried after dedicating so much time and my fragile emotions into him was heartbreaking and freeing at the same time. After suffering heartbreak, I turned my thoughts to revenge (how to make him pay) and even that eventually fizzled out. Now I realize that the life lesson I should have held on to from that is the fact that you cannot make anyone love you.
It was really not love, but at the time I would have bet a lot on the fact that we would end up married with kids and a great life. I had big dreams, and now I know those dreams will still be reality but this time with the right person.
Embracing change is not so easy. Going into secondary school I was a quiet, jaded girl who had been through lots of family issues and I had walls of reinforced steel around myself. Leaving high school, I had drastically changed into a more jovial, still cautious but happier girl.
The day in Jss3 when my life changed started as any other with me minding my business, keeping to myself. I had joined the hostel two weeks prior but I still kept sitting where I used to in class instead of with the ‘boarders’ (what students in the hostel were called). On this day one of my hostel mates – Nike – got angry at the fact that I refused to associate with them. She cruelly embarrassed me in front of the other boarders. She called me all sorts of names including cry baby and little girl and basically told me I was afraid of everything. Her words made me run to the top floor and hide there, crying all day.
One of my sort of friends at the time found me there and comforted me. During this I realized that even though she was cruel and mean in the way she said the words to me, she was actually right. I had been so concerned with protecting myself that I did too good a job in cutting myself off from people.
That was the turning point. From then, I began to open myself up one step at a time till it became second nature to me to be like that. No change is easy, but it almost always leads to a better version of you.
No matter how bad it is, it will always get better.
Even in secondary school, I went through some ups and downs that seemed almost insurmountable. After reading my diary, I said a quick thank you to God for how far I have come now. No matter how bad it gets, it can always get better is the life lesson I took away from this.
You definitely will #winks. I see my throwback pictures and Lord! Lord! I thank you for where I am now. That is not to say I was not cute, because I was. But then again, they are called throwback pictures for a reason.
Here is the only throwback picture I can release with peace of mind #laughs.
There are a lot more lessons I have learnt from reading my diary again and I would love to share more with you.So if you would love to read more of this comment YES down below.
I have always had something for statement tee , the more awesome the quote the better. Pairing up a statement tee to look awesome is lots simpler than most think. Here I’ll be showing off my favorite statement tee of all time while showing you how to pair it up and sharing an experience I had some time ago with a guy that made me go ‘Boy Bye’.
Statement tee with Jeans (low waist or high waist) and sneakers
This is one of the easiest ways to style a statement tee, especially if you are in a rush or want to look really casual. Simply pick a denim jean and a pair of sneakers and you are good to go.
Outfit details: Statement tee and jeans from @dkhayempire
So to the story I promised y’all.I went out on a date with a friend as a favor. Luckily, her date also came with someone else so it was not awkward and we had a fun time. I thought that I and Mr. X hit it off and that was confirmed when at the end of the night he asked for my number which I gave him. It was a good end to an outing I really was not sure of at first.
Statement tee and a skirt
Pair a statement tee with either a pencil or pleated skirt to give a girly look. You can either dress this outfit up with heels or down with sneakers or sandals.
I rarely wear skirts so when I eventually do I like pairing them with statement tees to give it a bit of sass.
Back to Mr.X, after a few days we began to chat on whatsapp with a few calls here and there in between. We both went out a few times with my friend and her date. Throughout all these I felt like we vibed and he would be a great friend. Turns out I judged too quickly.
Statement tee with pant trousers and ballet flats (Sassy corporate outfit)
My first love outfit. Every time I have to go to school (we have a compulsory corporate dress code for school) I simply throw this on with or without a suit jacket. Dressing up for school can be a hassle but I have it down to a science now (a blog post on that coming soon) and this helps a lot.
Mr.X turned out to be an asshole pretty soon enough. I and my friend went to pay them a visit at home on a sunny afternoon and while talking, he began to go sexual. He was basically operating on the assumption that I would sleep over and engage in sexual activities with him. Now there would have been nothing wrong if he would just take my emphatic ‘NO’ and move on. Instead he decide to behave like a petulant child and became nasty. He even went as far as to write me a whatsapp message basically saying “fuck off’. Good riddance I Said … Boy Bye!!!!!
I was brought up to respect myself and have high self-esteem, so I would definitely not take any of that from a man no matter who he is. Ladies, remember when a guy begins to feel too important tell him to use the door and not let it hit him on his way out. We are queens and whoever is the one for you will definitely respect you. Thus ended the tale of Mr.X.
I hope you enjoyed this post, don’t forget to catch up with me on social media and leave a comment.
Also a blog post on my gym escapedes coming up on thursday people. #woop woop
Currently dancing goofily to Mr.Eazi – Pour me water (multi tasking is a hobby)
Hey guys (yes this time I actually mean guys). Half of the reason a girl is attracted to you is your dress sense, what do you say ladies? Somehow the level of confidence a guy has translates into the way he carries himself in the clothes he wears. “I do not like a confident guy” said no lady ever. Here is a little something from me to you.
YUM YUM IN A SUIT AND TIE
When putting together the ‘certified panty dropping outfit’ (do not take that literally) do not just put anything on, consider your color schemes and how well the clothes fit. No matter how much the male species stick to the line-I do not have time for fashion – which is totally not true by the way, remember that the way you dress is the way you will be addressed. So because I love you guys I will drop a few do’s and don’ts for your business formal attires.
DO’S
Accessories make your outfit. Ties clips, wrist watches, pocket squares, cufflinks and more are your friend just do not overdo it.
Belt and shoes to match please
Your Tie should be darker than your shirt
DON’TS
Patterns on patterns on patterns (well except you are a professional slayer)
Ditch the too tight pants please
CASUALLY SLAY IN YOUR DAY TO DAY OUTFITS
Yes I know they are home clothes but that is not a reason to not slay. Who knows what can happen? I am sure you would definitely be more comfortable looking good while attending to your daily activities. Looking good is good business. Here are a few guys who pull off the casually fine look. Maybe cop a tip or two from their outfits.
Everyone is going for that touch of extra in their native wears so do not be left out guys. It is time to channel your inner Yoruba demon and own the outfit. After all 2018 is the best time to pepper them.
I hope you enjoyed this post guys. If you want me to give a few more tips or do a post on the trendiest guys you should be following let me know in the comment section. Do not forget to like, share and follow us on social media.
