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Love: From the Archives of this 21year Old

love from the archives

When I was a kid, love was my mum bringing me a humongous strawberry ice cream cone, daddy carrying me on his shoulders, kisses from aunts and tickling from uncles. As soon as I could read a little love became fairytales, Cinderella and Rapunzel. When I became old enough to read novels, which I confess is lots earlier than you would think, it was the hero that professed his undying loyalty. The hero that fought for he lady, pampered her, lived for her and sometimes died for her.

Love was basically the perfect man. Then teenage hormones set in and my views changed again. Now the cutetest loner boy in class, the ripped bad boys and the cocky arrogant guys basically all the boys that are wrong became the yardstick to measure this emotion. Sometimes I could even be that older guy who you know is totally unattainable. The older guy syndrome faded fast though, starry eyed I may be but stupid I am not.

Heroes and their ladies..

And so the hero complex definition of love stuck. I gorged on movies, novel and everything that reinforced that belief. In movies love is a spark, love is when eyes meet across the table, love is magical, and it is a trouble free ride to paradise, love is a fairytale…. Love is cliché.

 You know that when we build up a pre conceived notion of how something is supposed to be in our heads it is pretty hard to let go of it. Let’s say, like sex. Now in every novel, movie, or fictional work, sex is like finding the treasure at the end of a rainbow. It is built up to make every girl want the whole she-bang. But in reality, sometimes sex sucks. Your fist time, sex is usually painful, that doesn’t make it less important it just helps us appreciate it more.

What do girls want?

love from the archives

We want Mr. charming to come in and sweep us off our feet. It’s in our nature to want all the good and none of the bad just like hot make up sex with no breakup. We want hero’s, gentlemen, bad boys that will be good for us. Every girl who has ever read a novel or seen a movie wants what was promised her, a forever kind of love. We want the spark, and moonlight walks and it’s not bad to want it, all that’s bad is forgetting that the bad makes us appreciate the good more.

But my fall from cloud 9 to reality took a really long time. I had thought that love was simple, easy, and straightforward. I once fell head over heels for a guy because of his smile. Unfortunately for me, he didn’t see me he same way but I had my movies and they gave me hope that one day he would come groveling. I mean how could he do any different, he was supposed to be my first and last love. Love was everything to me, at least it was.

The truth

Doubt began to creep in when Mr. Soul mate refused to show up. But I put my heart out there again and again. But something began to happen every time I opened my heart and I got disappointed – again and again I might add – I began to believe less.  Giving words to my feelings is a form of therapy for me and most times I end up discussing them in abstract with someone. This is how I came to the conclusion that here is no such thing as a perfect love. Old fashioned love – YES but perfect love – No. I have been told a million and one times that I am too focused on looking for the fairytale that I miss the real thing. That may be true, but I’m not going to stop looking for my magic.

There are no real fairytales, no love without mistakes, forgiveness and all the major life lessons. In the midst of all that though, you will find the magic, the happiness, the sense of safety. Fairytales feed our need to lie on a bed of roses, unfortunately, in real life roses have thorns. I know I am never happier than when the hero gets together with the lady and they live ‘happily ever after’.

 Love in the 90’s

I lived the most of my life with my grandpa and grand ma till my grandpa passed away. Although an extremely brilliant and smart man, an easy man he was not. A few years after his death, I and my grandma were discussing friendships built in her time vs. how we build them now. Somehow we ended up talking about love and I told her I always wondered why grandpa didn’t love her again. She laughed and told me that her husband loved her totally and completely. She aid although he had his faults (the cheating, shouting, even accusations money issues all of which I remembered) but in his own way he really loved her. Then she reminded me about the time he would hug her and play music and they would dance and he would draw me to them and we would all have a blast.

Imagine a woman I thought would resent her husband for all the pain he caused her, explaining gently to me – an onlooker- that all is not as it seemed.

My realization

Here is what I realized, the minute I was reminded of one good time, all the other little things I had forgotten started to come back. I’m not accepting though that love should have that much pain in it but I see now that love encompasses even the faults. And even with his faults, my grandfather respected my grandma, in every area.

I am not a girl who is #single life. I like the idea of a special person to share your life with. Someone who is just as whole as you are, and together makes you a better whole just as you make him better too.

My Stand, My Love

love from the archives

 People may say I have watched too many movies or read too many novels to be practical but here is my conclusion. I want to fall in love, the love that comes with fights and hurdles to pass through. The love that will give me peace and the happiest days I might have yet. I am not going to settle for less or just anybody. I want the fireworks, the magic, the sweet smelling rose petals and I will deal with the thorns as they come. If that is cliché, then yes world! I am cliché. It’s all in the way you see it.

I want crazy stupid love and by God I will get it, even if I have to fight for it.

Love and Light from this birthday girl .

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Slut for what: The Anti Movement

Slut

slʌt/

noun

derogatory
                 A woman who has many casual sexual partners.
Have you ever been so mad at being judged without  even doing whatever you were accused of? well add embarrassment and a derogatory view of you by even those who do not know you and thats how you feel when called a “slut”.  In this century, 75% of relationships contain sex , and 15%  of the rest have pressure for sex in them or some form of alternative sexual activity. Imagine a lady ,that dates about 7 guys before she finds her husband. Let’s note that she probably will have sex with five(5) of the seven (7) guys while in a relationship with them and some form of sexual activity with the other two. Thats not to say that people don’t date without sex but with the amount of pressure on social media , and in our society its a very low percentage that copes without sex. So tell me , that lady is a slut by society’s standards isn’t she?
     Let’s move past those that actually monitor another person’s sex life to those who decide your tag as a ‘ slut’ or ‘a hoe’ . Their parameters include your attire, what you say or most inane of all , your instagram or social media feed.

             What makes a person a slut?

slut : the anti movement

        Apparently in our society , you have to be a female for the term slut/hoe to be a derogatoy term. In true double standard fashion, it is perfectly respectable for a male to be a slut or a hoe. The male species seems to even be more revered when they are called terms like this. That is why , it is okay for a guy to go about having sex with every tom , dick and harry with no consequences and yet it is the ladies that end up being called sluts?
        Lets think about this logically , blaming a mutual activity on a person gives that person a higher level of responsibility therefore making me draw the conclusion that society assumes the girl child is more intellectually developed than the male child. Yet a man would be the first to argue that they assume a sort of protector role in the relationship. Isn’t it socially accepted for the protector to take responsibility? or am i mistaking my societal rules?
     If you wear certain attires that expose more than people consider appropriate , you will be called a slut. I have even experienced an instance on social media where a married lady was called a slut because of her make up. I mean that is just plain ridiculous, you would agree with me.

            Why society calls you a slut?

  1. You’re a female
  2. because you are different and they do not understand how that is possible
  3. especially when you wear fashionable outfits and dare to look bangin’ in them
  4. or when you dare to express your sexuality .( I mean its simply not done for you to expect good sex or talk about it)
  5. infact when you are a confident Boss Lady and are completely goal oriented
  6. because society is full of judgemental ignorant fools, thats  why.

What calling a person a slut says about you

      It is really stupid for you to judge a person when we all sinning. We all have our skeletons , and it would be hypocritical to call another person a sinner. Remember you are a sinner too, just for another sin. And yes, that includes you guys who make it your hobby to break up marriages because you apparently slept with the soon -to-be-wife. Like your wife has not been bedded by someone else. I refuse to accept that it is okay for him to be praised for being active sexually and yet the same guy can expects me to be a virgin (untouched ) in every sense before i can be considered marriageable material. It’s not okay that males can be so far removed from the concept of being chaste and discerning in their sexual life that it seems like acient babble to them when i  as a female have to adhere strictly to the rules or suffer the demeaning concequences that come with being tagged a slut.
           Funny enough, one would think that  a female would be one to shun this tag completely for her fellows.           Unfortunately the opposite is true. In fact it is the females that are the first to take up the banner and stigmatize another. I mean does jealousy or envy justify such a derogatory term ? What happened to the lifting other females up and fixing each others crowns?  A casual ‘oh she gets around a lot’ here and another ‘ oh i wont say shes a slut but she has sex with many people’ there. Soon people begin to see her in a different light with the occassional name calling and back talk.

        Let’s talk about the trolls and religious fanatics

slut : the anti movement

Most of those who have the time to troll other people and appoint themselves judge and jury over another are usually jobless. Doesn’t that say something more about the person that calls you a slut than you, who is being called a slut ?  I have noticed that most times when people see someone who is completely confident in her sexuality , the response of weak people is to fall back to slut- shaming.

    If you decide to come for me from the religious aspect, i am sure whether you are a christian or muslim that no where in both religious books did it state that you should go ahead and judge anybody by your standards. Infact, as a christian i will call your attention to the part in the bible that  says “Judge not that ye shall not be judged”

Matthew 7:1-20

King James Version (KJV)

1 Judge not, that ye be not judged.2 For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again3 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?

Now that that has been established, why dont we all just simply stop hiding behind things like religion, culture, morals and simply just mind our buisness.

Justifying rape because she is a Slut

slut : the anti movement

In case you don’t know , tagging a female a slut does not just stop there. It has a rebound effect. If that lady gets raped it is 90% your fault. Sure there is no excuse for rape. But I have heard situations where a lady has been tagged a slut and one guy decides to taste too . He probably approaches her and she turns him down. He is furious because well she has “loose morals “ how can she say no. So he rationalizes that she wants him to force her. He then goes on to rape her.

Can you see how keeping your mouth shut and minding your business would have helped? That aside slut or not, how can a person justify rape? I mean there is simply no excuse. Whatever she wears or says or does does not make it okay to force her. I mean you can always just look away. Rape is NOT and will NEVER be the “victims” fault.

Anybody that blames a female for being raped and tags her a slut or hoe after is sick and I just hope that person never experiences rape.

If you can’t tell this is an issue that really gets to me. I mean if a lady chooses to use her body to help her make ends meet I’m sure it wasn’t her 1st choice. You who decided to judge her , how much have you contributed to her life? The truth is most times people that judge others are guilty of worse. If you cannot help her , and you cannot ask her to help you then sit your ass down and face your life. How does bringing another down help you is a question I continue to ask myself.

A world without the tag ‘SLUT’

girl power

Imagine a world where the female code was not only for rep sake on social media but was actually a code that we lived our lives by.         Just think, a world filled with Queens that lifted each other up. A world where Kings let go of the irrelevant things and focused on building an empire. That’s the world i want to be in, that’s the world that would be worth living in. I refuse to believe that me talking about this would not make a difference. I have joined the band wagon for change, no matter how little an impact this makes it will still somehow help us get the change we want.

A friend told me to not bother myself about it, it’s just the way society is and it will not change in this generation, he said. No matter, i still add my little drop to the puddle of water, someday it will become an ocean.

Ladies, be confident, know yourselves, help each other, take a stand for change. Let the revolution start with you !!!!!!

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Bants with Rubies

Single in 9ja: the F code to why you are still single

     
Imagine my 15 year old cousin making fun of the fact that i am still a single pringle. Yes o!If you follow me on IG and have me on whatsapp you have probably seen this on my status/story. I will keep saying it though because it touched the bottom of my junk-food filled belly. If you happen to be single like me and have friends that any little thing its ‘lovey-dovey’ time , you kow how pained i am.
          Last week i went with my aunt @kemisolamoradeyo who is a relationship counselor to an event.On the way back in the taxify cab we started up a conversation about Davido and Chioma (i will just skip that part because if i start to talk ehn…)
      Anyways , we (i, my aunt and the taxify driver) began to discuss relationships and what men want from a lady. (maybe i’ll do a blog post on that from my aunts point of view). Now this talk was long and it moved from one topic to another. The driver supported the fact that my aunt said that no man right now wants a lady who does not have a job or a business of interest. He went further to give an example of a lady who he was dating  that spends 2 days learning tailoring and the rest partying.  A 29 year old lady who will travel from Illorin to Lagos to party. – picture me with my mouth open here because it just sounded like a Nollywood movie script.
        That aside , we then began to discuss ladies and guys who are single and yet are good-looking and well set up with a job/business. That was the conversation that inspired this post.
        If youre younger and you feel like this post is for the older ones,think again and if you are older and think this post is for the younger ones,you got it all wrong.
Serving it to you straight here is the F code to why you (we) are still single

  • You’re not putting your best foot foward

      Our generation is the ‘Slay Age’ as my aunt calls it and its a really apt description. I mean, there are times i see a 13 year old on instagram and i know that on IG she simply blows me out if the water. So tell me why when there are younger teens with the best dress sense ever , you now decide to use the most blurry unflattering picture ever as your dp. In as much as i am 10005% on this table that i am shaking and a devout supporter of the “lazy’ type of style, make sure your lazy is chic too. Starting this brand ‘Lazytrendychic’ is as much for my benefit as it is for yours, this blog has motivated me to dress better and make an effort (still lazy but well #shrug emoji).
        The fact is dressing lazy is not bad as long as it is lazy and chic. One thing my aunt said stuck with me. She said if she takes her kid son to the mall to pick a toy, he is automatically drawn to the shiny, prettily packaged toys first. This she related to both men and ladies. No matter how non-materialistic you are you still are drawn to appearances . So if you are drawn to fine nicely dressed guys , how come you ignore the fact that this applies to you too.
Dress up to feed your ego darlings. Do it for you!

  •          Ditch your ‘Dream Man’ fixation

     Eyyyyy! before you all come for me , i am not saying you lower your standards! For no reason at all should you lower your standards. Now lets be honest here, we all know that our dream men posess qualities that are just simply outrageous/ridiculous. I mean you find a fine bobo , 6’2 tall, good behaviour and just because your dream man has six packs and he doesn’t you say no. Pssst! take it from me, your villagers are at work. Hopefully las las its not a midget aunty will marry.
     On a more serious note though, we all need to re-evaluate and formulate more realistic expectations. Remember that at the end of the day, all you need is someone that makes you genuinely happy.

  • Break Free of your past

    There is a catch phrase coined by my continuously mentioned aunt that just explains this point for me .
“Shenk the Sheges”
        Dear darling girl or guy, you are out of that relationship for a reason. You cannot keep carrying a torch for your ex. In case you were not aware,everyone gives off a vibe subconsiously. No matter how much you want to get back into the game, without leaving the past behind you will keep giving off an unapproachable vibe to people interested in you.
your ex , in  this case is the ‘shege’. You need to Shenk – ditch the Shege– bad luggage.
    Plus , we all should be careful what kind of vibe we give off and we should also be doubly careful to not completely judge by the vibe a person gives off. It may all be in your head, so you gotta try to know for sure, Shikena.

  • You just don’t give a f#ck

        Pardon the obscene word  but honestly , those on this table just know themselves. If you fall into this category just smile to yourself. All i can say is Do your make up… or not ,dress up, go out and make the cash while having fun. When its the right time , the right guy will find you.  Remember this tips for later.
       Do not forget to like and comment guys. Plus share to every one you know and those you don’t. You can also follow me on IG @ireprubies and turn on post notifications to know when there is a new blog post. I try to post at  least once a week but ideally twice (Tuesday and Saturday).
 signing out, XOXO.

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Bants with Rubies

How to Be the Trendiest Cousin 101

cousins
Currently listening to May D – Soundtrack*

 

how to be the trendiest of cousins

Hey guys,

It’s a brand new day and I just want exams to be over and the summer holidays be here already. Do like this🙋 #hands up if you need a long vacation – to Cuba or the islands (if you have big dreams like me). Honestly, I need a camera, overnight summer body and lots of money to spend. Lol, what a dream.

During the Easter holidays, I stayed with my aunt and her kids (my cousins) for a few days. I tend to be a little reserved when meeting new people ( especially family) so I went there with the mindset that I might not totally vibe with them. Luckily for me, I was wrong and not only did I vibe with them, we also became so close in a short while. Even with all my cousins’ wahala, we still had a blast. When I was packing for the visit, I packed really casually thinking that there would be no outing, so that left me having to wear home clothes out with my cousins (oops!). P.S You never want to have to go out with home clothes.

Fortunately, my cousins love me for me and not my fashion sense #laugh .That is why, with great consultations with the ‘cousins’ I decided to make a post on how to be the trendiest Cousin ever. *works like a charm every time*

DRESS UP

Well, you definitely cannot be the trendiest cousin if you are not trendy. Your fashion sense has to be topnotch in person and on Instagram.The cousins will judge you based on how you look and your instagram feed. To totally crush this part, you have to have your finger on the pulse of all things fashion, from latest trends, to styling clothes, to lots trending clothes plus the awesome instagram feed. Simply put, be FASHION but don’t overdo it. You can check out my post on dressing up in 5 minutes and yet come out looking stylish HERE.

Be the cousin that no one is badder than. Click To Tweet

BE RELATABLE

Your cousins have to be able to relate with you or else all your dressing up will be in vain. Without you having a very easy, laidback and friendly relationship with your cousins, you will never be tagged the favorite. Your cousins have to be comfortable with you, chill with you, discuss latest trends, gossip, and their other interests and even gist you about their lives. This is the part that guarantees you the tag “favorite cousin”. This plus good fashion choices and you’re good to go.

BUY YOUR COUSINS STUFF (Lots of stuff)

Singing *money makes the world go round, money makes the world go round*

To quote my darling cousin (note that he is just 15, like whaaaattttt?!), ‘if you don’t buy us stuff then what exactly are you our favorite for?’ .My friends also fully support the motion by saying ‘an uncle/aunt that does not give you things, is that one and aunt/uncle?’. The bottom line is get them things, you do not need to go above board but the occasional top or jeans or shades or even money and credit will firmly secure your place in their minds.

I personally have a favorite uncle and while He is not my favorite because of money it doesn’t hurt either that he cares to send me things once in a while. I definitely did not even touch this part with my cousins though, I remember them telling me to get a ‘rich boyfriend’ so I would be able to take them out. Needless to say , I chased them round the house once they said that but we ended up laughing about it anyway.

Moral of the story: If you no get money hide your face.

BE YOURSELF, BE REAL

This part is easily the most important, because it really doesn’t matter if you are loaded to the heavens, dress hotter than the Kardashians and are as relatable as SpongeBob to kids, if you are not yourself it will show. Your personality is why people or cousins in this instance should like you. If you act fake, your cousins will fake an attitude to you too and there is no way you would be their favorite that way.

You really should not keep up an act (I’m sure that would be exhausting anyway). Make sure you are real and everything else will fall into place.

With all these tips, you’ll soon have the title of “favorite most fashionable cousin/sibling/family member”. I hope you enjoyed this post as much as I enjoyed writing it for you.

Till next time,

XOXO Rubies.

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Uncategorized

My Stranger

him

Luckily for me he told me earlier that we were going out. It’s the first weekend in months that I’d had anywhere to go.

I was happy not really because of the outing but because the less time I spent with him indoors, the better – I was already feeling pressured even though he repeatedly told me he had no expectations.

Here I was sitting at a bar alone waiting for him when I noticed there was a guy sitting next to me. I looked at him noticing that his lips (just the perfect size) were crooked up in a sort of one sided smile and his eyes were on me. His cologne filled the air and I felt a tensing in my belly as I inhaled the utterly delicious scent.

‘Have I seen you before?’ he asked

‘Have you?’ I reply a slight smile on my face

‘Yes, I have. You are the angel from my dreams’ he says with a rueful smile on his face

I burst into laughter while miming slow clapping ‘that line is so corny it should not work but with that self-depreciating smile on your face, somehow it does.’

Really smiling now, he turns to fully face me and instantly I know I would never have a problem trying to remember his face.

‘Who are you here with?’

‘… My boyfriend…’

But he hears he question in my voice and his eyes let me know it’s okay.

‘Who are you here with?’ I ask

‘A girl’ is his reply and I can hear all the unspoken messages he’s trying to tell me.

‘Here is my personal number’ he says tapping a number on the card ‘call me sometime, it is totally up to you’

Taking the card, I turn it over and ask for a pen. He gives me one and I write my phone number down on it. Capping the pen, I hand them both back to him.

‘I have made my choice. There is my number you call me….’ ‘But only if you want to…’ I add

I can see the tension leave his shoulders and he smiles at me as he stands up to leave. He leaves just as abruptly as he came but not before I feel the feather light touch of his fingers trail a short distance over my bare shoulders. I smile because he gets that too, that I needed touch to assure me that this is reality.

Finally, I see my boyfriend walking toward me with the food I asked for and I’m wondering how suddenly all the butterflies are gone.

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Life & Style

Life Lessons I learnt From Reading My Old Diary

life lessons from old diary

A Diary is a book full of your hopes, dreams, secrets and life lessons.

life

Keeping a Diary was the second thing I was dedicated to in high school. My Diary was my bestie (You can see why I did not have a real bestie HERE) and my confidante, it held basically everything about my life and the lessons I learned in it. After I had people steal and read my first diary ever, I made sure the next diary had a lock.

For me junior school is sort of a blur, it was all about getting good grades and following the rules. By the time I got to SS2 however, I realized that I barely remembered anything about junior school. Determined to change that I made sure to change up my habits and have fun. A few weeks ago though, I came across my diaries and I sat down and went through them again. It took a while but reading the diaries really opened my eyes and put a lot of things in perspective. Here are a few life lessons I want to share with you that I learned from reading my diaries again.

  • Live Life to the fullest so you do not have regrets.

One thing I do regret about secondary school is the fact that I did not open up fast. While reading my diary I discovered that going to the hostel in Jss3 saw a particular incident that caused a change in my behavior. After deciding to actually live , I then began to see life in color, have fun, make memories – sad, happy, fun and somber. Truthfully this life lesson may seem like one that is a given. Unfortunately, you would be surprised at how many people are going through life with grey colored glasses on. From the moment I decided to actually live, I began to make memoirs. Looking back now, the memories I have are mainly of those final days in school.

A life worth living is one worth living well. Click To Tweet

  • Do not be too hasty to call it love

Limerence – Infatuated love

Throughout high school, I did not date anyone not because I did not want to but because I was convinced that I had met the love of my life. Reading this in my diary was both embarrassing, funny and sad at once. While reading I began to try to pinpoint one reason why I decided I was in love with him and I still cannot find one. I was totally infatuated with him (and the laugh lines around his eyes). I was so sure he was the one that I decided to wait around till he was ready to date me. Unfortunately for me, after wasting a lot of time I finally pulled up the courage to talk to him only to get a good dose of reality and heartbreak.

Reading through this I once again felt a sort of replica of the pain I was going through. Seeing how much I cried after dedicating so much time and my fragile emotions into him was heartbreaking and freeing at the same time. After suffering heartbreak, I turned my thoughts to revenge (how to make him pay) and even that eventually fizzled out. Now I realize that the life lesson I should have held on to from that is the fact that you cannot make anyone love you.

It was really not love, but at the time I would have bet a lot on the fact that we would end up married with kids and a great life. I had big dreams, and now I know those dreams will still be reality but this time with the right person.

‘Easy O, Jeje’ don’t be so fast to call it love. Click To Tweet

  • You have to embrace Change (that is how you grow)

Embracing change is not so easy. Going into secondary school I was a quiet, jaded girl who had been through lots of family issues and I had walls of reinforced steel around myself. Leaving high school, I had drastically changed into a more jovial, still cautious but happier girl.

The day in Jss3 when my life changed started as any other with me minding my business, keeping to myself. I had joined the hostel two weeks prior but I still kept sitting where I used to in class instead of with the ‘boarders’ (what students in the hostel were called). On this day one of my hostel mates – Nike – got angry at the fact that I refused to associate with them. She cruelly embarrassed me in front of the other boarders. She called me all sorts of names including cry baby and little girl and basically told me I was afraid of everything. Her words made me run to the top floor and hide there, crying all day.

One of my sort of friends at the time found me there and comforted me. During this I realized that even though she was cruel and mean in the way she said the words to me, she was actually right. I had been so concerned with protecting myself that I did too good a job in cutting myself off from people.

That was the turning point. From then, I began to open myself up one step at a time till it became second nature to me to be like that. No change is easy, but it almost always leads to a better version of you.

  • No matter how bad it is, it will always get better.

Even in secondary school, I went through some ups and downs that seemed almost insurmountable. After reading my diary, I said a quick thank you to God for how far I have come now. No matter how bad it gets, it can always get better is the life lesson I took away from this.

Lord I’m blinded by your grace. Click To Tweet

  • You will get finer and dress better

You definitely will #winks. I see my throwback pictures and Lord! Lord! I thank you for where I am now. That is not to say I was not cute, because I was. But then again, they are called throwback pictures for a reason.

Here is the only throwback picture I can release with peace of mind #laughs.

There are a lot more lessons I have learnt from reading my diary again and I would love to share more with you.So if you would love to read more of this comment YES down below.

Have you ever had a diary or kept a journal?

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Fashion

BOY BYE: 3 Awesome ways to style Statement Tee

statement tee

I have always had something for statement tee , the more awesome the quote the better. Pairing up a statement tee to look awesome is lots simpler than most think. Here I’ll be showing off my favorite statement tee of all time while showing you how to pair it up and sharing an experience I had some time ago with a guy that made me go ‘Boy Bye’.

Statement tee with Jeans (low waist or high waist) and sneakers

statement tee

This is one of the easiest ways to style a statement tee, especially if you are in a rush or want to look really casual.  Simply pick a denim jean and a pair of sneakers and you are good to go.

statement tee

Outfit details: Statement tee and jeans from @dkhayempire

Shoes : A lucky buy at Sabo market,Sagamu.

photocredit: @babatolaphotography

So to the story I promised y’all.I went out on a date with a friend as a favor. Luckily, her date also came with someone else so it was not awkward and we had a fun time. I thought that I and Mr. X hit it off and that was confirmed when at the end of the night he asked for my number which I gave him. It was a good end to an outing I really was not sure of at first.

Statement tee and a skirt

statement tee

Pair a statement tee with either a pencil or pleated skirt to give a girly look. You can either dress this outfit up with heels or down with sneakers or sandals.

statement tee
too much of a goofball

Tassel earrings by @jewelry_ave

statement tee

I rarely wear skirts so when I eventually do I like pairing them with statement tees to give it a bit of sass.

Back to Mr.X, after a few days we began to chat on whatsapp with a few calls here and there in between. We both went out a few times with my friend and her date. Throughout all these I felt like we vibed and he would be a great friend. Turns out I judged too quickly.

Statement tee with pant trousers and ballet flats (Sassy corporate outfit)

statement tee

My first love outfit. Every time I have to go to school (we have a compulsory corporate dress code for school) I simply throw this on with or without a suit jacket. Dressing up for school can be a hassle but I have it down to a science now (a blog post on that coming soon) and this helps a lot.

Mr.X turned out to be an asshole pretty soon enough. I and my friend went to pay them a visit at home on a sunny afternoon and while talking, he began to go sexual. He was basically operating on the assumption that I would sleep over and engage in sexual activities with him. Now there would have been nothing wrong if he would just take my emphatic ‘NO’ and move on. Instead he decide to behave like a petulant child and became nasty. He even went as far as to write me a whatsapp message basically saying “fuck off’. Good riddance I Said … Boy Bye!!!!!

statement tee

I was brought up to respect myself and have high self-esteem, so I would definitely not take any of that from a man no matter who he is. Ladies, remember when a guy begins to feel too important tell him to use the door and not let it hit him on his way out. We are queens and whoever is the one for you will definitely respect you. Thus ended the tale of Mr.X.

I hope you enjoyed this post, don’t forget to catch up with me on social media and leave a comment.

Also a blog post on my gym escapedes coming up on thursday people. #woop woop

Lots of love from here. Xoxo.

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Lifestyle

The ‘Thick Body’ Trend|My Thoughts

body goals_the thick trend

 

 

Hi guys,I am here to share my thoughts on the latest body goals-the thick trend. If you are looking for tips on how to achieve a curvier body, sorry but this is not that kind of post. This is simply me sharing my sort of experience with the “every girl should be curvy/thick hype’ that seems to be rampant everywhere especially on Social media lately.

Honestly, whoever was responsible for the trend needs to be fed bitter leaf – in its raw form only, forever.

For those who have the body it’s a lovely thing, but what about those who do not have it? Many people have their self-esteem lowered just because the internet, fickle as it is, now favors females with a different body type.

You are beautiful.It does not matter whether you are tall,short,thin,curvy,black or white.Own your Sexy Girl! Click To Tweet

the thick trend_thick body goals

My Experience With The “Every Girl Should Be Thick IG  Trend”

I won’t lie for a while there, when the trend first came up I was as caught up as the next person in trying to get more fat in the booty area. I had guy friends who would come to me and start the  regular spiel “Seyi, when will your ass increase?’. And the ladies who would come to you with the ‘babe , why your ass just small like this -cue laughter’. Most times when they all say these things it seems to be a joke to them , but they make whoever is on the receiving end feel a little less confident about herself. Comments like this chip away at a hard earned self esteem till it wears down.

Crushing words from my crush

The incident that gave me the most drive to join the ‘thick body gang’  was a comment from my crush. I mean i had been crushing on my friend for a while but he kept treating me like a little sister. One day i see a message from him on snap-chat commenting on my video. Ecstatic that he sent me a message, i open it only to see “Seyi go and get thick for me now”. I mean, i’m  sure he did not think of how much influence that sentence would have on me. Thus started my ‘desperation fueled’ journey to researching every single way to be thick.

Having all this ‘so not helpful’ comments made me so into gaining fat in the right areas. Lukily for me somehow (I have to thank the fact that my laziness protested all the effort I was putting into it) I got back to my senses. So now I wonder how many ladies are still caught up in that web of not being able to love yourself and your body fully. Every female cannot have the same body type –genetics and whatnot. Society’s view about our bodies may have become hidden under the facade of ‘awon omo thicker body’ and I love that song so it’s not as much the song as the way it has now become the acceptable way to leave your perfectly beautiful body and do lots of things for the “thicker body” .

My Realization

ONE day I stood in front of the mirror and took a good look at myself, all the flaws and the perfection that I am and I realized that nothing and nobody should make me believe that my body as I am is not enough. If you cannot love yourself it is next to impossible for you to accept the love someone else has for you – big booty or not.

The first commandment for your body is LOVE YOURSELF. Click To Tweet

A Lil Advice

Going to the gym to better your body is perfectly acceptable but going the extra mile (creams and stuff) just to get curvier because of a trend is NOT. ‘Why exactly do you want the body change?’ Because if it is not solely for you then it is totally not worth it. If you are naturally blessed with the ‘thicker body’ please rock it and if you are on the other side of the spectrum, (the Lil booty gang) rock it with a confidence that cannot be bought. And if someone has a contrary opinion you can tell them where to stick it #wink.

Let us not come and go and kill ourselves. All booties rock!!!!!!

PS: in other news whoever knows a way to get me to stop eating so much junk so late. I can see all the junk I have been consuming go straight down to my belly and storing there. This means no crop tops for me #heart breaks into pieces.  Has anyone been in this situation before? Or am I the only one too lazy to exercise?

PPS: I finally got up the courage to go to the gym. It’s been a week now and it has definitely not been play play. who wants me to do a weekly review on my gym escapades? you would be surprised at how many funny things happen there.

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Life & Style Lifestyle Uncategorized

Who Is Rubies???|Hands behind LazyTrendyChic

Heyo my people!!!Today I am going to give you a sneak peek into my life. Here are 10 things you probably don’t know about me.

1. I am part Hausa (though most people say Jos is not Hausa).I hail from Jos on one side of my parent tree.
Note: I cannot speak a lick of the language.Somebori epp my career oo!!!

2. I would do drastic things for ‘beans’. Best food ever, if you know you know.

3. The ‘Lazy’ in ‘LazyTrendyChic’ mostly describes me.Darn too lazy to be thinking too much about what to wear.

4. For me Overthinking is an art form.

5. I have a monster of a sweet tooth. Insatiable and the size of Asia.

6. Hair color is my guilty pleasure (I have had to cut back on that though because of school)

7. Addicted to Novels. Fiction, Non-fiction, any genre, classics, I just want a good book to read.

8. I love writing too, that’s why blogging is quite good for me.

9. I hate liars and fakes. Being yourself is really the best you can be.

10. Celebrity crush…I’ll tell y’all in Camera #wink

Anything else you want to know? Drop your questions as comments or on my social media pages and I will be sure to answer them here next week. Kiss kiss.

Always your lil girl doing you know what
Rubies.

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Life & Style Lifestyle Uncategorized

A Letter To the Older Me

Dear Older ‘Seyi,

By now you must have outgrown the nickname ‘Rubies’ if you remember it but if you do, I can see the cringe you try to hide behind a smile when it comes up. You are probably thinking you could have thought up a better nickname (Got to say I do not think so), but I do not want to get your blood pressure up so I will just address you as Seyi.

Having kids and achieving your dreams really looks good on you and so does the glittering ruby ring on your finger. Looking at you from all the way over here, I cannot fully grasp how content you are, not just content but happy. Sure there have been potholes, everyone has to hit one at one point or the other but you have gotten through them and come out fine. You may look back and think ‘I had it easy when I was younger’, so I will remind you of how it was hoping you’ll be grateful at every point in your life.

At the early stage of your life it was all fun and games and your greatest worry was whether the ice cream man would show up or not. Then teenage years came up and insecurities became the order of the day. For a long while you battled with your identity, not just that but what your path was. Everyone seemed to have everything sorted out but you kept floundering…no clear direction. The journey to purpose was full of a lot of half-baked ideas, disappointments, pain, running to God when everything else failed. You cried a lot, so many times, over and over and at times it seemed nothing would ever go right. All you wanted to do was fulfill your duty and be happy but it seemed duty and happiness were worlds apart. You made so many mistakes that you can never take back, a lot of them leaving an indelible scar on your soul but somehow in the midst of that all you found purpose.

Do you remember now how much making your dream a reality with your blog cost? The sleepless nights awake thinking of content, the fear of making a fool of yourself? Pouring all your money into it and barely having enough to feed? There were so many doubts in your head and in the mouths of others, how you never gave up is a miracle in itself. So you did start “LazyTrendyChic” a project close to your heart with the help of friends, ones that will last a lifetime. All you wanted to do was make people see that the society’s pre-portrayed image of us does not have to hold true. Our first obligation should be to ourselves, to please ourselves and be comfortable in our skin before anything else and fashion was your medium. OH, the feeling of glorious fulfillment when the first stage of the plan was put in place and your blog kicked off. What joy! What happiness! The very reason all the sacrifices are worth it.

It is from this point in your life that I write to you dear older Seyi, I do not know where the tide will go from here or even if my dream will make it any farther but I have hope and a fierce determination and that is what keeps me going. I trust that what will be will be. Please do not forget what the ‘Ruby’ means to you….the fiery wrath of the gem, a strength unbending, passion as bright as flames, coolness against your skin…your calm in every situation. Forget not also, the pricelessness of the gem…you are worth the world.No matter what may come your way Seyi remember you are strong, you are flawed and perfect as you are.

I look forward to seeing you sparkle and light up the room even more than you already do.

Yours,

A younger more gullible you

Rubies.

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