Have you ever been so mad at being judged without even doing whatever you were accused of? well add embarrassment and a derogatory view of you by even those who do not know you and thats how you feel when called a “slut”. In this century, 75% of relationships contain sex , and 15% of the rest have pressure for sex in them or some form of alternative sexual activity. Imagine a lady ,that dates about 7 guys before she finds her husband. Let’s note that she probably will have sex with five(5) of the seven (7) guys while in a relationship with them and some form of sexual activity with the other two. Thats not to say that people don’t date without sex but with the amount of pressure on social media , and in our society its a very low percentage that copes without sex. So tell me , that lady is a slut by society’s standards isn’t she?
Let’s move past those that actually monitor another person’s sex life to those who decide your tag as a ‘ slut’ or ‘a hoe’ . Their parameters include your attire, what you say or most inane of all , your instagram or social media feed.
What makes a person a slut?
Apparently in our society , you have to be a female for the term slut/hoe to be a derogatoy term. In true double standard fashion, it is perfectly respectable for a male to be a slut or a hoe. The male species seems to even be more revered when they are called terms like this. That is why , it is okay for a guy to go about having sex with every tom , dick and harry with no consequences and yet it is the ladies that end up being called sluts?
Lets think about this logically , blaming a mutual activity on a person gives that person a higher level of responsibility therefore making me draw the conclusion that society assumes the girl child is more intellectually developed than the male child. Yet a man would be the first to argue that they assume a sort of protector role in the relationship. Isn’t it socially accepted for the protector to take responsibility? or am i mistaking my societal rules?
If you wear certain attires that expose more than people consider appropriate , you will be called a slut. I have even experienced an instance on social media where a married lady was called a slut because of her make up. I mean that is just plain ridiculous, you would agree with me.
Why society calls you a slut?
You’re a female
because you are different and they do not understand how that is possible
especially when you wear fashionable outfits and dare to look bangin’ in them
or when you dare to express your sexuality .( I mean its simply not done for you to expect good sex or talk about it)
infact when you are a confident Boss Lady and are completely goal oriented
because society is full of judgemental ignorant fools, thats why.
What calling a person a slut says about you
It is really stupid for you to judge a person when we all sinning. We all have our skeletons , and it would be hypocritical to call another person a sinner. Remember you are a sinner too, just for another sin. And yes, that includes you guys who make it your hobby to break up marriages because you apparently slept with the soon -to-be-wife. Like your wife has not been bedded by someone else. I refuse to accept that it is okay for him to be praised for being active sexually and yet the same guy can expects me to be a virgin (untouched ) in every sense before i can be considered marriageable material. It’s not okay that males can be so far removed from the concept of being chaste and discerning in their sexual life that it seems like acient babble to them when i as a female have to adhere strictly to the rules or suffer the demeaning concequences that come with being tagged a slut.
Funny enough, one would think that a female would be one to shun this tag completely for her fellows. Unfortunately the opposite is true. In fact it is the females that are the first to take up the banner and stigmatize another. I mean does jealousy or envy justify such a derogatory term ? What happened to the lifting other females up and fixing each others crowns? A casual ‘oh she gets around a lot’ here and another ‘ oh i wont say shes a slut but she has sex with many people’ there. Soon people begin to see her in a different light with the occassional name calling and back talk.
Let’s talk about the trolls and religious fanatics
Most of those who have the time to troll other people and appoint themselves judge and jury over another are usually jobless. Doesn’t that say something more about the person that calls you a slut than you, who is being called a slut ? I have noticed that most times when people see someone who is completely confident in her sexuality , the response of weak people is to fall back to slut- shaming.
If you decide to come for me from the religious aspect, i am sure whether you are a christian or muslim that no where in both religious books did it state that you should go ahead and judge anybody by your standards. Infact, as a christian i will call your attention to the part in the bible that says “Judge not that ye shall not be judged”
Matthew 7:1-20
King James Version (KJV)
1 Judge not, that ye be not judged.2 For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again3 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?
Now that that has been established, why dont we all just simply stop hiding behind things like religion, culture, morals and simply just mind our buisness.
Justifying rape because she is a Slut
In case you don’t know , tagging a female a slut does not just stop there. It has a rebound effect. If that lady gets raped it is 90% your fault. Sure there is no excuse for rape. But I have heard situations where a lady has been tagged a slut and one guy decides to taste too . He probably approaches her and she turns him down. He is furious because well she has “loose morals “ how can she say no. So he rationalizes that she wants him to force her. He then goes on to rape her.
Can you see how keeping your mouth shut and minding your business would have helped? That aside slut or not, how can a person justify rape? I mean there is simply no excuse. Whatever she wears or says or does does not make it okay to force her. I mean you can always just look away. Rape is NOT and will NEVER be the “victims” fault.
Anybody that blames a female for being raped and tags her a slut or hoe after is sick and I just hope that person never experiences rape.
If you can’t tell this is an issue that really gets to me. I mean if a lady chooses to use her body to help her make ends meet I’m sure it wasn’t her 1st choice. You who decided to judge her , how much have you contributed to her life? The truth is most times people that judge others are guilty of worse. If you cannot help her , and you cannot ask her to help you then sit your ass down and face your life. How does bringing another down help you is a question I continue to ask myself.
A world without the tag ‘SLUT’
Imagine a world where the female code was not only for rep sake on social media but was actually a code that we lived our lives by. Just think, a world filled with Queens that lifted each other up. A world where Kings let go of the irrelevant things and focused on building an empire. That’s the world i want to be in, that’s the world that would be worth living in. I refuse to believe that me talking about this would not make a difference. I have joined the band wagon for change, no matter how little an impact this makes it will still somehow help us get the change we want.
A friend told me to not bother myself about it, it’s just the way society is and it will not change in this generation, he said. No matter, i still add my little drop to the puddle of water, someday it will become an ocean.
Ladies, be confident, know yourselves, help each other, take a stand for change. Let the revolution start with you !!!!!!
If you are like me, you do a lot of binge reading (from fashion posts to lifestyle, to food)…. Most times I just go on a reading spree and catch up on all the posts from my favorite bloggers. These seven blog posts from early this year are those that I found so so relatable and ones that I know you would enjoy (or else why am I doing this #wink). So without further Ado, let us get right into it
Let’s take a minute to appreciate how intrigued the title made me, I mean if @mindofamaka was not one of my favorite bloggers I would still have clicked on that link. @mindofamaka did not disappoint once I clicked on the link I was hooked till the end of the post and even then I just had to leave a comment.
This post was basically a sort of peek into her feelings and thoughts at a particularly rough time (sure we all have that once in a while). She highlighted the fact that ultimately we are all alone because honestly at the end of the day no one is going to have your back as much as you will. You and only you can fully grasp the magnitude of how down or depressed or frustrated you feel at any particular moment. What I loved most about this post is that she shared her story in the most relatable way possible and yet it still spoke to me, I mean I was crying towards the end of the post.
The truth is Life can be really rough at times but having posts like this can remind you that you are not alone and that all this will pass soon. I definitely highly recommend you read this blog post.
Lately with the heat wave I know I am not the only one that has considered just smuggling myself on a plane and leaving Nigeria for those who want to roast us with heat #lol. This style post comes in handy and is totally a lifesaver because as for me I look for clothes that will not cause me to be sweating buckets of water. The Camisole is a vital fashion item that you should know how to style especially now, so that you can get away with wearing just a camisole and yet be looking all shades of stylish. I definitely loved the way she compiled the post and how the picture inspiration she gave is “bangdandandang”. This is surely one for the ladies.
Hollup Guys!! Let’s keep all our civility for a minute and be ratchet… ‘Like Watagwan bruh if ya aint got ya finger on tha pulse of this series?!!!!’ (Pardon my Jamaican). This is my favorite of the favorite of the favorite blogs to follow. Let me just say #TeamTeni. Okay okay I’m sure you might be wondering what is she on about. So the side chick wars is a totally relatable, riveting, hilarious, down to earth tale about … yes ,you guessed right …… Wars between side chicks. I mean this is really juicy gist served on a platter. If it were a movie mehn, I would be glued to my TV set. Unfortunately the series just ended BUT she is alreadyhas another epic and so interesting story for us. I simply am addicted. Enough of my hyping, just click here to start reading and I promise you will be hooked.
Everything you need to do to have a productive February by @dearsalmah_
Okay , so it’s no more February , I know, but this post is one you should read even next year. Every one wants to have a productive month but most times we do nothing to actually achieve that goal. Here @dearsalamah highlights a few key points on how to have a productive month. These key points are basically the holy grail of being on top of every month or year. From tips like start saving to hang out with like-minded people this post is filled with lots of knowledge we can use. After all no knowledge is wasted.
Absolutely self-explanatory blog post title. I mean what kind of fashionista does not want to read a blog post on an outfit that combines three latest trends. Everyone definitely needs to read this, better late than never.
3 reasons why slogan tees are a must have by @thesvnflwr
Justification for my obsession that is so not a secret? Hook me up ASAP!
I really could not have expressed why you should join me in obsessing over slogan tees any better than @thesvnflwr did. She simply killed it, made me a lot more in love and is waiting to convert souls to the movement.
When friends turn monsters|tales of friendship and betrayal by @gyifted
Friendships and friends are a touchy subject for me. Sometimes your so called friends are the ones that stab you through the heart. So many times, we make the mistake of trusting the wrong friend and *boom* we end up hurt. @gyifted shares a few stories on friends turned monsters and betrayal and gives a few words of encouragement also. This post really spoke to me considering I just put up a post on this a few days ago. Check out the post from her here. You can also read my post on friendships plus an OOTD here.
I hope you enjoy these posts. Are there any posts you love? Why don’t you share in the comment section?
I have soooo sooo many more posts i would love to share with you. Drop a YES below if you want me to make another list of posts like this one.
Friendships and friends can be the safest part of reality for a person and yet can also be the place that brings one the most pain and heart break.
“Best friend: A person who you choose to put your heart, soul and secrets in trust with.
The one person who even though may not be blood related to you
can be your pillar when all else fails and has the power to rip your heart out easily”
Back in primary school, I had a bestie that I did everything with – eat, play, we even had the primary school crush on brothers because anything else was just unacceptable. Everything was as fine as fine can be and my little innocent heart thrived on the friendship (being an only child I was alone a lot), until one day I got to school and found that everyone in my class were avoiding me and staring a little more than usual. Luckily for me (as a fine chubby head girl) I never pulled the ‘Queen Bee’ stunt on my mates so it was not long till someone came up to me and told me that my so-called bestie announced to the whole class that I was a witch. Did I hear you say what?!!! Now imagine my shock.
Yhup the wonderful beastie – what I started calling her after, understood the fact that at that time even as young as we all were we knew that being a witch was a bad thing and that the rumor would isolate me from the class and probably the whole school. That was my first taste of betrayal and I knew I would not give her the pleasure of crying in her presence, so I proceeded to go about my day as normal. But as soon as I left school I burst into tears and cried all the way home.
My mum came to school the next day and made her take back her words but it had already made an impression on my young heart, and I knew then that I really did not want to feel like that ever again. Needless to say I did have close friends but never a best friend ever again. Friendships in reality are a bed of roses but then again even roses have thorns. The good friends have your back through thick and thin, good and bad and the bad ones unfortunately leave a scar.
You know the kind of friends that you meet and you just click and suddenly they are the first person you think of when something happens? Yes, the friends that get you so much but then someway, somehow as fast as you clicked you begin to drift apart and no matter how much or how hard you hold on it just won’t be the same again. I have had so many friends like that and honestly I am grateful for all of them. Some friends , as perfect as they might be are just for a time .As much as it might hurt not to talk to them again the memories of how beautiful it was while we were together would always be in our hearts.
Even as there are bad friends that leave a mark, there are also the good ones. I have friends of the opposite sex and same sex who when I was having issues were my strength. There was this particular time when I misplaced my wallet. I just came back to school from home with five thousand naira after serious hustling.
Somehow I misplaced my wallet but did not notice till hours later. I was confused, frustrated, crying and angry. Out of anger, I left my hostel and just kept walking. I then picked a bike to one of my friend’s apartment (which he paid for). Seeing my face and appearance (I looked crazy) he asked what was wrong and I tearfully told him the story. I remember him hugging me and making jest of my look.He then took me to the ATM gave me five thousand naira and took me out to eat.
It might seem like nothing but instances like this are what make you know how true your friend is. Emotionally, Physically, Financially, Academically friends are supposed to lift each other up. What kind of friend are you? What kind of friend do you have?
Outfit Of The Day
I am wearing leggings and a crop top and my new favourite sneakers because the best way to live is to love yourself first and be your own best friend first before you can then be another person’s. Complete yourself so that anybody else will add to you just as you will add to them.
On some level I do know I am sort of scared of being labelled “the witch” again but what is life without risk? So I will complete myself and open my heart to friends who will add to me as I will add to them.
*Looks up from writing to see the lecturer still talking. Goes back to writing*
Heyo my people!!!Today I am going to give you a sneak peek into my life. Here are 10 things you probably don’t know about me.
1. I am part Hausa (though most people say Jos is not Hausa).I hail from Jos on one side of my parent tree.
Note: I cannot speak a lick of the language.Somebori epp my career oo!!!
2. I would do drastic things for ‘beans’. Best food ever, if you know you know.
3. The ‘Lazy’ in ‘LazyTrendyChic’ mostly describes me.Darn too lazy to be thinking too much about what to wear.
4. For me Overthinking is an art form.
5. I have a monster of a sweet tooth. Insatiable and the size of Asia.
6. Hair color is my guilty pleasure (I have had to cut back on that though because of school)
7. Addicted to Novels. Fiction, Non-fiction, any genre, classics, I just want a good book to read.
8. I love writing too, that’s why blogging is quite good for me.
9. I hate liars and fakes. Being yourself is really the best you can be.
10. Celebrity crush…I’ll tell y’all in Camera #wink
Anything else you want to know? Drop your questions as comments or on my social media pages and I will be sure to answer them here next week. Kiss kiss.
By now you must have outgrown the nickname ‘Rubies’ if you remember it but if you do, I can see the cringe you try to hide behind a smile when it comes up. You are probably thinking you could have thought up a better nickname (Got to say I do not think so), but I do not want to get your blood pressure up so I will just address you as Seyi.
Having kids and achieving your dreams really looks good on you and so does the glittering ruby ring on your finger. Looking at you from all the way over here, I cannot fully grasp how content you are, not just content but happy. Sure there have been potholes, everyone has to hit one at one point or the other but you have gotten through them and come out fine. You may look back and think ‘I had it easy when I was younger’, so I will remind you of how it was hoping you’ll be grateful at every point in your life.
At the early stage of your life it was all fun and games and your greatest worry was whether the ice cream man would show up or not. Then teenage years came up and insecurities became the order of the day. For a long while you battled with your identity, not just that but what your path was. Everyone seemed to have everything sorted out but you kept floundering…no clear direction. The journey to purpose was full of a lot of half-baked ideas, disappointments, pain, running to God when everything else failed. You cried a lot, so many times, over and over and at times it seemed nothing would ever go right. All you wanted to do was fulfill your duty and be happy but it seemed duty and happiness were worlds apart. You made so many mistakes that you can never take back, a lot of them leaving an indelible scar on your soul but somehow in the midst of that all you found purpose.
Do you remember now how much making your dream a reality with your blog cost? The sleepless nights awake thinking of content, the fear of making a fool of yourself? Pouring all your money into it and barely having enough to feed? There were so many doubts in your head and in the mouths of others, how you never gave up is a miracle in itself. So you did start “LazyTrendyChic” a project close to your heart with the help of friends, ones that will last a lifetime. All you wanted to do was make people see that the society’s pre-portrayed image of us does not have to hold true. Our first obligation should be to ourselves, to please ourselves and be comfortable in our skin before anything else and fashion was your medium. OH, the feeling of glorious fulfillment when the first stage of the plan was put in place and your blog kicked off. What joy! What happiness! The very reason all the sacrifices are worth it.
It is from this point in your life that I write to you dear older Seyi, I do not know where the tide will go from here or even if my dream will make it any farther but I have hope and a fierce determination and that is what keeps me going. I trust that what will be will be. Please do not forget what the ‘Ruby’ means to you….the fiery wrath of the gem, a strength unbending, passion as bright as flames, coolness against your skin…your calm in every situation. Forget not also, the pricelessness of the gem…you are worth the world.No matter what may come your way Seyi remember you are strong, you are flawed and perfect as you are.
I look forward to seeing you sparkle and light up the room even more than you already do.
Hey guys! Welcome, Welcome .Please take a seat, let me offer you a slice of cake and a tube of ice cream (I am kind of a sugar addict as you will find out really soon). Y’all are welcome to LazyTrendyChic and I am your humble host, hoping to become your dearly beloved ‘Rubies’…… LazyTrendyChic is here to cater to your every fashion desire, talk about our diverse heritage and fill our every craving. So please feel free, let me know what you think, leave comments, send emails and generally connect.
You can keep up with me and your ‘LazyTrendyChic’ updates on our various social media platforms below.
Join me lets have some epic fun together.
“You can’t be perfect baby, because nobody’s perfect honey….There’s nobody in the world like you”
Hola darlings, today I’m not putting out any fashion tips. We are taking it back to who we are at the core of all the fashion and razz mataz.
Black, White, and Mixed we are all beautiful in our own special way. Plus sized ladies are beauties so are thin ladies.so no matter what Age, Color, Gender or Beliefs we are all uniquely beautiful. It is that beauty that gives us our each individual uniqueness and out of that uniqueness our own personal timeless ageless beauty is birthed.
It takes a certain amount of confidence in self to be able to discount the portrayed image of what is in ‘vogue’.
Know this sweet girl you are you…no one can do you as good as you can.so if you let them get you down you are depriving yourself the joy of showing the world how great you can be.
