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Love: From the Archives of this 21year Old

love from the archives

When I was a kid, love was my mum bringing me a humongous strawberry ice cream cone, daddy carrying me on his shoulders, kisses from aunts and tickling from uncles. As soon as I could read a little love became fairytales, Cinderella and Rapunzel. When I became old enough to read novels, which I confess is lots earlier than you would think, it was the hero that professed his undying loyalty. The hero that fought for he lady, pampered her, lived for her and sometimes died for her.

Love was basically the perfect man. Then teenage hormones set in and my views changed again. Now the cutetest loner boy in class, the ripped bad boys and the cocky arrogant guys basically all the boys that are wrong became the yardstick to measure this emotion. Sometimes I could even be that older guy who you know is totally unattainable. The older guy syndrome faded fast though, starry eyed I may be but stupid I am not.

Heroes and their ladies..

And so the hero complex definition of love stuck. I gorged on movies, novel and everything that reinforced that belief. In movies love is a spark, love is when eyes meet across the table, love is magical, and it is a trouble free ride to paradise, love is a fairytale…. Love is cliché.

 You know that when we build up a pre conceived notion of how something is supposed to be in our heads it is pretty hard to let go of it. Let’s say, like sex. Now in every novel, movie, or fictional work, sex is like finding the treasure at the end of a rainbow. It is built up to make every girl want the whole she-bang. But in reality, sometimes sex sucks. Your fist time, sex is usually painful, that doesn’t make it less important it just helps us appreciate it more.

What do girls want?

love from the archives

We want Mr. charming to come in and sweep us off our feet. It’s in our nature to want all the good and none of the bad just like hot make up sex with no breakup. We want hero’s, gentlemen, bad boys that will be good for us. Every girl who has ever read a novel or seen a movie wants what was promised her, a forever kind of love. We want the spark, and moonlight walks and it’s not bad to want it, all that’s bad is forgetting that the bad makes us appreciate the good more.

But my fall from cloud 9 to reality took a really long time. I had thought that love was simple, easy, and straightforward. I once fell head over heels for a guy because of his smile. Unfortunately for me, he didn’t see me he same way but I had my movies and they gave me hope that one day he would come groveling. I mean how could he do any different, he was supposed to be my first and last love. Love was everything to me, at least it was.

The truth

Doubt began to creep in when Mr. Soul mate refused to show up. But I put my heart out there again and again. But something began to happen every time I opened my heart and I got disappointed – again and again I might add – I began to believe less.  Giving words to my feelings is a form of therapy for me and most times I end up discussing them in abstract with someone. This is how I came to the conclusion that here is no such thing as a perfect love. Old fashioned love – YES but perfect love – No. I have been told a million and one times that I am too focused on looking for the fairytale that I miss the real thing. That may be true, but I’m not going to stop looking for my magic.

There are no real fairytales, no love without mistakes, forgiveness and all the major life lessons. In the midst of all that though, you will find the magic, the happiness, the sense of safety. Fairytales feed our need to lie on a bed of roses, unfortunately, in real life roses have thorns. I know I am never happier than when the hero gets together with the lady and they live ‘happily ever after’.

 Love in the 90’s

I lived the most of my life with my grandpa and grand ma till my grandpa passed away. Although an extremely brilliant and smart man, an easy man he was not. A few years after his death, I and my grandma were discussing friendships built in her time vs. how we build them now. Somehow we ended up talking about love and I told her I always wondered why grandpa didn’t love her again. She laughed and told me that her husband loved her totally and completely. She aid although he had his faults (the cheating, shouting, even accusations money issues all of which I remembered) but in his own way he really loved her. Then she reminded me about the time he would hug her and play music and they would dance and he would draw me to them and we would all have a blast.

Imagine a woman I thought would resent her husband for all the pain he caused her, explaining gently to me – an onlooker- that all is not as it seemed.

My realization

Here is what I realized, the minute I was reminded of one good time, all the other little things I had forgotten started to come back. I’m not accepting though that love should have that much pain in it but I see now that love encompasses even the faults. And even with his faults, my grandfather respected my grandma, in every area.

I am not a girl who is #single life. I like the idea of a special person to share your life with. Someone who is just as whole as you are, and together makes you a better whole just as you make him better too.

My Stand, My Love

love from the archives

 People may say I have watched too many movies or read too many novels to be practical but here is my conclusion. I want to fall in love, the love that comes with fights and hurdles to pass through. The love that will give me peace and the happiest days I might have yet. I am not going to settle for less or just anybody. I want the fireworks, the magic, the sweet smelling rose petals and I will deal with the thorns as they come. If that is cliché, then yes world! I am cliché. It’s all in the way you see it.

I want crazy stupid love and by God I will get it, even if I have to fight for it.

Love and Light from this birthday girl .

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Slut for what: The Anti Movement

Slut

slʌt/

noun

derogatory
                 A woman who has many casual sexual partners.
Have you ever been so mad at being judged without  even doing whatever you were accused of? well add embarrassment and a derogatory view of you by even those who do not know you and thats how you feel when called a “slut”.  In this century, 75% of relationships contain sex , and 15%  of the rest have pressure for sex in them or some form of alternative sexual activity. Imagine a lady ,that dates about 7 guys before she finds her husband. Let’s note that she probably will have sex with five(5) of the seven (7) guys while in a relationship with them and some form of sexual activity with the other two. Thats not to say that people don’t date without sex but with the amount of pressure on social media , and in our society its a very low percentage that copes without sex. So tell me , that lady is a slut by society’s standards isn’t she?
     Let’s move past those that actually monitor another person’s sex life to those who decide your tag as a ‘ slut’ or ‘a hoe’ . Their parameters include your attire, what you say or most inane of all , your instagram or social media feed.

             What makes a person a slut?

slut : the anti movement

        Apparently in our society , you have to be a female for the term slut/hoe to be a derogatoy term. In true double standard fashion, it is perfectly respectable for a male to be a slut or a hoe. The male species seems to even be more revered when they are called terms like this. That is why , it is okay for a guy to go about having sex with every tom , dick and harry with no consequences and yet it is the ladies that end up being called sluts?
        Lets think about this logically , blaming a mutual activity on a person gives that person a higher level of responsibility therefore making me draw the conclusion that society assumes the girl child is more intellectually developed than the male child. Yet a man would be the first to argue that they assume a sort of protector role in the relationship. Isn’t it socially accepted for the protector to take responsibility? or am i mistaking my societal rules?
     If you wear certain attires that expose more than people consider appropriate , you will be called a slut. I have even experienced an instance on social media where a married lady was called a slut because of her make up. I mean that is just plain ridiculous, you would agree with me.

            Why society calls you a slut?

  1. You’re a female
  2. because you are different and they do not understand how that is possible
  3. especially when you wear fashionable outfits and dare to look bangin’ in them
  4. or when you dare to express your sexuality .( I mean its simply not done for you to expect good sex or talk about it)
  5. infact when you are a confident Boss Lady and are completely goal oriented
  6. because society is full of judgemental ignorant fools, thats  why.

What calling a person a slut says about you

      It is really stupid for you to judge a person when we all sinning. We all have our skeletons , and it would be hypocritical to call another person a sinner. Remember you are a sinner too, just for another sin. And yes, that includes you guys who make it your hobby to break up marriages because you apparently slept with the soon -to-be-wife. Like your wife has not been bedded by someone else. I refuse to accept that it is okay for him to be praised for being active sexually and yet the same guy can expects me to be a virgin (untouched ) in every sense before i can be considered marriageable material. It’s not okay that males can be so far removed from the concept of being chaste and discerning in their sexual life that it seems like acient babble to them when i  as a female have to adhere strictly to the rules or suffer the demeaning concequences that come with being tagged a slut.
           Funny enough, one would think that  a female would be one to shun this tag completely for her fellows.           Unfortunately the opposite is true. In fact it is the females that are the first to take up the banner and stigmatize another. I mean does jealousy or envy justify such a derogatory term ? What happened to the lifting other females up and fixing each others crowns?  A casual ‘oh she gets around a lot’ here and another ‘ oh i wont say shes a slut but she has sex with many people’ there. Soon people begin to see her in a different light with the occassional name calling and back talk.

        Let’s talk about the trolls and religious fanatics

slut : the anti movement

Most of those who have the time to troll other people and appoint themselves judge and jury over another are usually jobless. Doesn’t that say something more about the person that calls you a slut than you, who is being called a slut ?  I have noticed that most times when people see someone who is completely confident in her sexuality , the response of weak people is to fall back to slut- shaming.

    If you decide to come for me from the religious aspect, i am sure whether you are a christian or muslim that no where in both religious books did it state that you should go ahead and judge anybody by your standards. Infact, as a christian i will call your attention to the part in the bible that  says “Judge not that ye shall not be judged”

Matthew 7:1-20

King James Version (KJV)

1 Judge not, that ye be not judged.2 For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again3 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?

Now that that has been established, why dont we all just simply stop hiding behind things like religion, culture, morals and simply just mind our buisness.

Justifying rape because she is a Slut

slut : the anti movement

In case you don’t know , tagging a female a slut does not just stop there. It has a rebound effect. If that lady gets raped it is 90% your fault. Sure there is no excuse for rape. But I have heard situations where a lady has been tagged a slut and one guy decides to taste too . He probably approaches her and she turns him down. He is furious because well she has “loose morals “ how can she say no. So he rationalizes that she wants him to force her. He then goes on to rape her.

Can you see how keeping your mouth shut and minding your business would have helped? That aside slut or not, how can a person justify rape? I mean there is simply no excuse. Whatever she wears or says or does does not make it okay to force her. I mean you can always just look away. Rape is NOT and will NEVER be the “victims” fault.

Anybody that blames a female for being raped and tags her a slut or hoe after is sick and I just hope that person never experiences rape.

If you can’t tell this is an issue that really gets to me. I mean if a lady chooses to use her body to help her make ends meet I’m sure it wasn’t her 1st choice. You who decided to judge her , how much have you contributed to her life? The truth is most times people that judge others are guilty of worse. If you cannot help her , and you cannot ask her to help you then sit your ass down and face your life. How does bringing another down help you is a question I continue to ask myself.

A world without the tag ‘SLUT’

girl power

Imagine a world where the female code was not only for rep sake on social media but was actually a code that we lived our lives by.         Just think, a world filled with Queens that lifted each other up. A world where Kings let go of the irrelevant things and focused on building an empire. That’s the world i want to be in, that’s the world that would be worth living in. I refuse to believe that me talking about this would not make a difference. I have joined the band wagon for change, no matter how little an impact this makes it will still somehow help us get the change we want.

A friend told me to not bother myself about it, it’s just the way society is and it will not change in this generation, he said. No matter, i still add my little drop to the puddle of water, someday it will become an ocean.

Ladies, be confident, know yourselves, help each other, take a stand for change. Let the revolution start with you !!!!!!

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My Stranger

him

Luckily for me he told me earlier that we were going out. It’s the first weekend in months that I’d had anywhere to go.

I was happy not really because of the outing but because the less time I spent with him indoors, the better – I was already feeling pressured even though he repeatedly told me he had no expectations.

Here I was sitting at a bar alone waiting for him when I noticed there was a guy sitting next to me. I looked at him noticing that his lips (just the perfect size) were crooked up in a sort of one sided smile and his eyes were on me. His cologne filled the air and I felt a tensing in my belly as I inhaled the utterly delicious scent.

‘Have I seen you before?’ he asked

‘Have you?’ I reply a slight smile on my face

‘Yes, I have. You are the angel from my dreams’ he says with a rueful smile on his face

I burst into laughter while miming slow clapping ‘that line is so corny it should not work but with that self-depreciating smile on your face, somehow it does.’

Really smiling now, he turns to fully face me and instantly I know I would never have a problem trying to remember his face.

‘Who are you here with?’

‘… My boyfriend…’

But he hears he question in my voice and his eyes let me know it’s okay.

‘Who are you here with?’ I ask

‘A girl’ is his reply and I can hear all the unspoken messages he’s trying to tell me.

‘Here is my personal number’ he says tapping a number on the card ‘call me sometime, it is totally up to you’

Taking the card, I turn it over and ask for a pen. He gives me one and I write my phone number down on it. Capping the pen, I hand them both back to him.

‘I have made my choice. There is my number you call me….’ ‘But only if you want to…’ I add

I can see the tension leave his shoulders and he smiles at me as he stands up to leave. He leaves just as abruptly as he came but not before I feel the feather light touch of his fingers trail a short distance over my bare shoulders. I smile because he gets that too, that I needed touch to assure me that this is reality.

Finally, I see my boyfriend walking toward me with the food I asked for and I’m wondering how suddenly all the butterflies are gone.

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Fashion other style Uncategorized

5 Step Cheat Sheet to Slay With Your Squad

How to slay with your squad

squad goals

What can be better than stepping out in style with your whole squad? I know I cannot be the only one that gets serious vibes when I see a squad serving fashion in extreme doses and that is why I compiled this cheat sheet on how to cause jaws to drop and heads to turn 360 degrees when you and your squad step out. Because if you cannot go out as a squad and turn heads with your fashion sense what is the point?  You know y’all know what I am talking about.

So without any extra sass or sauce here is your cheat sheet to you and your girls stepping out in style.

 

Do You-Embrace your Individuality in your Squad

One of the best things about a squad is the fact that it is a group of people who are different in appearance and exhibit different behaviors’. The key to making people go “woooooooooooooooow” is embracing your different quirks and styles. Nobody wants to see clones of each other, even twins slay in different ways. Let your personalities shine through your outfits even if you have a dress code. In every squad we have:

The ‘cool one’ who would probably wear the dress code with no extras but looks cute and chic,

The ratchet one who turns the dress codes jeans into ripped jeans and pairs it to stand out

The classy but crazy one pearl mom jeans statement tee and sneakers.

5 step cheat sheet to slay with your squad

I’m sure you are in love yeah? Yes that is how it should be. Each one of you must dress up,critic each other’s outfit plus end up looking hot asf while stepping out to create the “jaw drop” effect.

 

How do I Look?-Honesty Is the Best Policy

You know how you see those group of girls looking like they stepped outta the pages of a magazine and you look at the last person with high hopes but Naaaahhhh!!!!!!!!!! You end up with a face like “what is happening here???!!!”

eh face

Yes and we all agree that those are bad friends, like why couldn’t they tell her? Do not be that friend. As much as we do not want to hurt our friends better it be us than someone outside. Especially when you are all going out, be able to tell your friend nicely that her outfit is not working and suggest changes that could help. In this case, for the question ‘how do I look?’ honesty is the best policy.

Be your Friends fashion Police Click To Tweet

Colors

It might come off as too tacky (for some) if you all wear the same thing. But as you are going out together, it would be nice to pay attention to color schemes so that you all complement each other and do not go out looking like neon lights or clashing colors.

squad goals

Boost each other’s Confidence

There is something about ladies that exude confidence and charisma. They tend to have all doors thrown open for them. One surefire way to being confident is your support system. As a squad of stylish ladies, you all are responsible for how your sister feels. Each person should compliment the others outfit. Remind yourselves that you are Queens and you have the world at the tip of your fingers.

girl power

Finally, STRUT YOUR STUFF!!!!!

I’m sure from now on it is slay hard time for you and your squad. Make sure to use our hashtag in your squad pictures #LazyTrendyChic. You should also check out my new post on Body Goals;My thoughts on the thick trend

Photo credit shout out to: ‘Nonye and her squad. Because your pictures are simply awesome.

Till next time loves,

CIAO Rubies.

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diary Lifestyle Uncategorized

New Year New Goals

It’s a few days to the new year 2018 (somebody say yeah yeah) and there are a lot of things that we all want to do better or not do at all or start doing. I personally want to attend a lot of Owambe’s (I passed through 2017 without as much as one Owambe).Every year we as people tally our wins and losses and from all the lessons we learnt throughout the year, we put up a list of what to do to make the next year better and we then tag it ‘new year resolutions’, but the thing is, we can go back to our drawing board anytime not necessarily only at the end of the year.

I came across an article about how making a New Year’s resolution was setting yourself up for failure and I thought of doing a column on New Year resolution fails but somehow I diverted. But first let’s tackle why I think New Year resolutions are bullcrap.

#THE TITLE-‘New Year Resolutions’

Honestly, 90% of the problem is the mentality of people concerning the name. New Year’s resolutions are same as everyday goals the only difference being that they are goals for the start of a new quarter. Unfortunately people start adding goals to their new year’s resolution even from June…and I’m simply left speechless. Waiting to start a goal in the new year is simply procrastination(how about starting that gym membership in November, forget January).I have set in past years new year resolutions and I have found out that most times I barely achieve 50% before the year runs out.

#UNREASONABLE GOALS

Imagine me a student with no extra source of income setting ‘get a new car this year’ as my New Year resolution. Short term goals are the most practical method of setting goals. Even if you set long term goals (a necessary evil), break them down into short term achievable actions and have the determination to see them through. Every single goal you set should reflect your self-growth. What do you want to see at the end of the year? The student who set the ‘new car’ resolution could have set ‘ get a part time vocational skill’ and ‘start saving for a car’ as his/her goals instead. Goals are meant to be practical not fantasy.

Having said all that we all need to set goals that will help guide us to  our dreams this new quarter.as Earl Nightingale said “People with goals succeed because they know where they are going” so I have highlighted a few aspects of our lives to help us set important achievable goals.

GOD

Seeing the New Year is a blessing we should never take for granted. No matter what religion we practice or beliefs we have, getting closer to GOD should definitely top the list

FAMILY

Our family is our rock .as they say blood is thicker than water we should always strive to have better relationships in our families

SCHOOL /WORK

We all have big goals and big dreams but without a concrete plan and a determination to work toward it cannot be acheived.

  • In our schools set a goal for your GP and how you plan to achieve it.Barely passing is definitely not the best way to pass
  • In this day and age every student should be an entrepreneur. The rich are the ones with the ideas outside the box, nobody depends on their certificate alone now. Start doing something.
  • The best way to work is to work hard and be promoted. Set goals for how you want to improve your work ethics.

Dream big, work hard.no matter what your dreams are you need to know that without hard work that is all they would remain ‘DREAMS’.

PERSONAL LIFE

  • First I think should definitely be self-love. Self-love can never be over emphasized, no matter how secure you are in yourself you need to always have time to remind yourself of who you are, lift your self-esteem even higher and simply be proud to be who you are ignoring whatever society says.
  • We should also set goals that help us take responsibility of the things that happen in our lives.be in charge of your life, steer it where you want it to go.
  • Set goals to make you better. For example i will be exercising daily, or i will eat more fruits.

LOVE LIFE

The significant other in your life also deserves a new improved you. Look at your relationships how far you have gone, how far you want to go. Are there changes you need to make to make for a smoother relationship? This is what makes you a good partner.

If you pick all this and make a New Year resolution list, I definitely trust that with consistency and determination at the end of the New Year you would have checked off at least 80% of your goals.

I hope this post helped you out, if you have any questions or contribution just leave a comment and if you need any help you can also email me and I’ll be sure to get back to you.Dont forget to like this post and also follow us on all our social media handles.

Happy New Year In A Few Hours!!!!!!!

Lots of love from this side,

RUBIES.

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Life & Style Lifestyle Uncategorized

Who Is Rubies???|Hands behind LazyTrendyChic

Heyo my people!!!Today I am going to give you a sneak peek into my life. Here are 10 things you probably don’t know about me.

1. I am part Hausa (though most people say Jos is not Hausa).I hail from Jos on one side of my parent tree.
Note: I cannot speak a lick of the language.Somebori epp my career oo!!!

2. I would do drastic things for ‘beans’. Best food ever, if you know you know.

3. The ‘Lazy’ in ‘LazyTrendyChic’ mostly describes me.Darn too lazy to be thinking too much about what to wear.

4. For me Overthinking is an art form.

5. I have a monster of a sweet tooth. Insatiable and the size of Asia.

6. Hair color is my guilty pleasure (I have had to cut back on that though because of school)

7. Addicted to Novels. Fiction, Non-fiction, any genre, classics, I just want a good book to read.

8. I love writing too, that’s why blogging is quite good for me.

9. I hate liars and fakes. Being yourself is really the best you can be.

10. Celebrity crush…I’ll tell y’all in Camera #wink

Anything else you want to know? Drop your questions as comments or on my social media pages and I will be sure to answer them here next week. Kiss kiss.

Always your lil girl doing you know what
Rubies.

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Life & Style Lifestyle Uncategorized

A Letter To the Older Me

Dear Older ‘Seyi,

By now you must have outgrown the nickname ‘Rubies’ if you remember it but if you do, I can see the cringe you try to hide behind a smile when it comes up. You are probably thinking you could have thought up a better nickname (Got to say I do not think so), but I do not want to get your blood pressure up so I will just address you as Seyi.

Having kids and achieving your dreams really looks good on you and so does the glittering ruby ring on your finger. Looking at you from all the way over here, I cannot fully grasp how content you are, not just content but happy. Sure there have been potholes, everyone has to hit one at one point or the other but you have gotten through them and come out fine. You may look back and think ‘I had it easy when I was younger’, so I will remind you of how it was hoping you’ll be grateful at every point in your life.

At the early stage of your life it was all fun and games and your greatest worry was whether the ice cream man would show up or not. Then teenage years came up and insecurities became the order of the day. For a long while you battled with your identity, not just that but what your path was. Everyone seemed to have everything sorted out but you kept floundering…no clear direction. The journey to purpose was full of a lot of half-baked ideas, disappointments, pain, running to God when everything else failed. You cried a lot, so many times, over and over and at times it seemed nothing would ever go right. All you wanted to do was fulfill your duty and be happy but it seemed duty and happiness were worlds apart. You made so many mistakes that you can never take back, a lot of them leaving an indelible scar on your soul but somehow in the midst of that all you found purpose.

Do you remember now how much making your dream a reality with your blog cost? The sleepless nights awake thinking of content, the fear of making a fool of yourself? Pouring all your money into it and barely having enough to feed? There were so many doubts in your head and in the mouths of others, how you never gave up is a miracle in itself. So you did start “LazyTrendyChic” a project close to your heart with the help of friends, ones that will last a lifetime. All you wanted to do was make people see that the society’s pre-portrayed image of us does not have to hold true. Our first obligation should be to ourselves, to please ourselves and be comfortable in our skin before anything else and fashion was your medium. OH, the feeling of glorious fulfillment when the first stage of the plan was put in place and your blog kicked off. What joy! What happiness! The very reason all the sacrifices are worth it.

It is from this point in your life that I write to you dear older Seyi, I do not know where the tide will go from here or even if my dream will make it any farther but I have hope and a fierce determination and that is what keeps me going. I trust that what will be will be. Please do not forget what the ‘Ruby’ means to you….the fiery wrath of the gem, a strength unbending, passion as bright as flames, coolness against your skin…your calm in every situation. Forget not also, the pricelessness of the gem…you are worth the world.No matter what may come your way Seyi remember you are strong, you are flawed and perfect as you are.

I look forward to seeing you sparkle and light up the room even more than you already do.

Yours,

A younger more gullible you

Rubies.

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