Have you ever been so mad at being judged without even doing whatever you were accused of? well add embarrassment and a derogatory view of you by even those who do not know you and thats how you feel when called a “slut”. In this century, 75% of relationships contain sex , and 15% of the rest have pressure for sex in them or some form of alternative sexual activity. Imagine a lady ,that dates about 7 guys before she finds her husband. Let’s note that she probably will have sex with five(5) of the seven (7) guys while in a relationship with them and some form of sexual activity with the other two. Thats not to say that people don’t date without sex but with the amount of pressure on social media , and in our society its a very low percentage that copes without sex. So tell me , that lady is a slut by society’s standards isn’t she?
Let’s move past those that actually monitor another person’s sex life to those who decide your tag as a ‘ slut’ or ‘a hoe’ . Their parameters include your attire, what you say or most inane of all , your instagram or social media feed.
What makes a person a slut?
Apparently in our society , you have to be a female for the term slut/hoe to be a derogatoy term. In true double standard fashion, it is perfectly respectable for a male to be a slut or a hoe. The male species seems to even be more revered when they are called terms like this. That is why , it is okay for a guy to go about having sex with every tom , dick and harry with no consequences and yet it is the ladies that end up being called sluts?
Lets think about this logically , blaming a mutual activity on a person gives that person a higher level of responsibility therefore making me draw the conclusion that society assumes the girl child is more intellectually developed than the male child. Yet a man would be the first to argue that they assume a sort of protector role in the relationship. Isn’t it socially accepted for the protector to take responsibility? or am i mistaking my societal rules?
If you wear certain attires that expose more than people consider appropriate , you will be called a slut. I have even experienced an instance on social media where a married lady was called a slut because of her make up. I mean that is just plain ridiculous, you would agree with me.
Why society calls you a slut?
You’re a female
because you are different and they do not understand how that is possible
especially when you wear fashionable outfits and dare to look bangin’ in them
or when you dare to express your sexuality .( I mean its simply not done for you to expect good sex or talk about it)
infact when you are a confident Boss Lady and are completely goal oriented
because society is full of judgemental ignorant fools, thats why.
What calling a person a slut says about you
It is really stupid for you to judge a person when we all sinning. We all have our skeletons , and it would be hypocritical to call another person a sinner. Remember you are a sinner too, just for another sin. And yes, that includes you guys who make it your hobby to break up marriages because you apparently slept with the soon -to-be-wife. Like your wife has not been bedded by someone else. I refuse to accept that it is okay for him to be praised for being active sexually and yet the same guy can expects me to be a virgin (untouched ) in every sense before i can be considered marriageable material. It’s not okay that males can be so far removed from the concept of being chaste and discerning in their sexual life that it seems like acient babble to them when i as a female have to adhere strictly to the rules or suffer the demeaning concequences that come with being tagged a slut.
Funny enough, one would think that a female would be one to shun this tag completely for her fellows. Unfortunately the opposite is true. In fact it is the females that are the first to take up the banner and stigmatize another. I mean does jealousy or envy justify such a derogatory term ? What happened to the lifting other females up and fixing each others crowns? A casual ‘oh she gets around a lot’ here and another ‘ oh i wont say shes a slut but she has sex with many people’ there. Soon people begin to see her in a different light with the occassional name calling and back talk.
Let’s talk about the trolls and religious fanatics
Most of those who have the time to troll other people and appoint themselves judge and jury over another are usually jobless. Doesn’t that say something more about the person that calls you a slut than you, who is being called a slut ? I have noticed that most times when people see someone who is completely confident in her sexuality , the response of weak people is to fall back to slut- shaming.
If you decide to come for me from the religious aspect, i am sure whether you are a christian or muslim that no where in both religious books did it state that you should go ahead and judge anybody by your standards. Infact, as a christian i will call your attention to the part in the bible that says “Judge not that ye shall not be judged”
Matthew 7:1-20
King James Version (KJV)
1 Judge not, that ye be not judged.2 For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again3 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?
Now that that has been established, why dont we all just simply stop hiding behind things like religion, culture, morals and simply just mind our buisness.
Justifying rape because she is a Slut
In case you don’t know , tagging a female a slut does not just stop there. It has a rebound effect. If that lady gets raped it is 90% your fault. Sure there is no excuse for rape. But I have heard situations where a lady has been tagged a slut and one guy decides to taste too . He probably approaches her and she turns him down. He is furious because well she has “loose morals “ how can she say no. So he rationalizes that she wants him to force her. He then goes on to rape her.
Can you see how keeping your mouth shut and minding your business would have helped? That aside slut or not, how can a person justify rape? I mean there is simply no excuse. Whatever she wears or says or does does not make it okay to force her. I mean you can always just look away. Rape is NOT and will NEVER be the “victims” fault.
Anybody that blames a female for being raped and tags her a slut or hoe after is sick and I just hope that person never experiences rape.
If you can’t tell this is an issue that really gets to me. I mean if a lady chooses to use her body to help her make ends meet I’m sure it wasn’t her 1st choice. You who decided to judge her , how much have you contributed to her life? The truth is most times people that judge others are guilty of worse. If you cannot help her , and you cannot ask her to help you then sit your ass down and face your life. How does bringing another down help you is a question I continue to ask myself.
A world without the tag ‘SLUT’
Imagine a world where the female code was not only for rep sake on social media but was actually a code that we lived our lives by. Just think, a world filled with Queens that lifted each other up. A world where Kings let go of the irrelevant things and focused on building an empire. That’s the world i want to be in, that’s the world that would be worth living in. I refuse to believe that me talking about this would not make a difference. I have joined the band wagon for change, no matter how little an impact this makes it will still somehow help us get the change we want.
A friend told me to not bother myself about it, it’s just the way society is and it will not change in this generation, he said. No matter, i still add my little drop to the puddle of water, someday it will become an ocean.
Ladies, be confident, know yourselves, help each other, take a stand for change. Let the revolution start with you !!!!!!
The styling of oversize shirts is a trend I have totally wanted to try over time. From blogs like apairandaspare I gathered lots of styles to try and overtime I tried them out one by one. So this is a blog post on how to style oversize or even just long sleeved shirts. The fact that I can pick an oversize shirt and wear it in a different way for every day of the week if I want is definitely something to ease the mind.
Here are the styles:
1. The off shoulder styled oversize shirt
I tried this shirt style out for a full day. It totally made me feel a lot less hot on that sunny day with my shoulders bare and it also definitely added some sexy to my basic outfit.
That aside there are a few cons you should most probably put into consideration, if you want to rock this style.
CONS:
Never ever ever try this one when you are going on a ferry.During the course of my full day wearing this off shoulder oversized shirt style, I had to go on a ferry and did I hear you say ‘Wardrobe malfunction!!!!’ Because of the wind, the sleeves slipped off one shoulder and I had to keep drawing them back up and adjusting it stylishly under the life jacket. Imagine all that wahala on a shirt ooo.
You have to be extra cautious when you board a yellow Lagos bus and sit beside a woman with a hyper kid. I happened to sit beside a lady with this cute but super hyper and playful kid. She kept pulling on my shirt sleeve but because she was cute I could not give her the stern face.I just had to deal with the constant tugging on my shirt sleeve till I got down from the bus.
Apart from these few cons, it’s a perfectly casual and stylish way to rock your oversize shirt .make sure to tuck it in well though and experiment with different ways of wearing it.
2. The sweetheart neckline styled shirt
This way of styling an over-sized shirt is sort of my favorite. I wore this out for a late evening/night outing and let me tell you it was extremely comfortable to wear and gave a really nice sort of dressy vibe to my plain jeans and sandals.
It held up pretty well all through the evening but I had to go with a sort of camisole underneath since I did not want to be showing off my bra straps.
CONS:
If you are not comfortable with a little cleavage on show you can wear a sort of sleeveless crop tank like I did here.
you can also add a lot of sauce to it
DJ Spinall-ess
3. The backwards styled oversize shirt
Casual, comfy, really easy to wear and a little strip of back on show never hurt anybody. If I were to judge I would say so far this is my best style, with the off shoulder coming a close second (even with all its wahala).
I wore this around the house and out to see a friend and I really did not have any issues with it.
image from www.apairandaspare.com
Hacks:
Because I could not go out with a strip of back showing I wore a plain black camisole underneath. Viola I was ready to go!
4. Oversized shirt styled as a jacket
This is probably everyone’s favorite way of wearing an over-sized shirt. It simply shouts style, swag and a lazy kind of sauce.
5. Oversize shirt
Honestly wearing an oversize shirt just the way it is, with skinny jeans or shorts is so easy, slouchy and a really easy style hack. Just throw it on and you are good to go.
How would you style your oversize shirts? The traditional way or maybe something extra? Leave your thoughts as comments below, you know I love to hear from you. Xoxo loves.
Imagine my 15 year old cousin making fun of the fact that i am still a single pringle. Yes o!If you follow me on IG and have me on whatsapp you have probably seen this on my status/story. I will keep saying it though because it touched the bottom of my junk-food filled belly. If you happen to be single like me and have friends that any little thing its ‘lovey-dovey’ time , you kow how pained i am.
Last week i went with my aunt @kemisolamoradeyo who is a relationship counselor to an event.On the way back in the taxify cab we started up a conversation about Davido and Chioma (i will just skip that part because if i start to talk ehn…)
Anyways , we (i, my aunt and the taxify driver) began to discuss relationships and what men want from a lady. (maybe i’ll do a blog post on that from my aunts point of view). Now this talk was long and it moved from one topic to another. The driver supported the fact that my aunt said that no man right now wants a lady who does not have a job or a business of interest. He went further to give an example of a lady who he was dating that spends 2 days learning tailoring and the rest partying. A 29 year old lady who will travel from Illorin to Lagos to party. – picture me with my mouth open here because it just sounded like a Nollywood movie script.
That aside , we then began to discuss ladies and guys who are single and yet are good-looking and well set up with a job/business. That was the conversation that inspired this post.
If youre younger and you feel like this post is for the older ones,think again and if you are older and think this post is for the younger ones,you got it all wrong.
Serving it to you straight here is the F code to why you (we) are still single
You’re not putting your best foot foward
Our generation is the ‘Slay Age’ as my aunt calls it and its a really apt description. I mean, there are times i see a 13 year old on instagram and i know that on IG she simply blows me out if the water. So tell me why when there are younger teens with the best dress sense ever , you now decide to use the most blurry unflattering picture ever as your dp. In as much as i am 10005% on this table that i am shaking and a devout supporter of the “lazy’ type of style, make sure your lazy is chic too. Starting this brand ‘Lazytrendychic’ is as much for my benefit as it is for yours, this blog has motivated me to dress better and make an effort (still lazy but well #shrug emoji).
The fact is dressing lazy is not bad as long as it is lazy and chic. One thing my aunt said stuck with me. She said if she takes her kid son to the mall to pick a toy, he is automatically drawn to the shiny, prettily packaged toys first. This she related to both men and ladies. No matter how non-materialistic you are you still are drawn to appearances . So if you are drawn to fine nicely dressed guys , how come you ignore the fact that this applies to you too.
Dress up to feed your ego darlings. Do it for you!
Ditch your ‘Dream Man’ fixation
Eyyyyy! before you all come for me , i am not saying you lower your standards! For no reason at all should you lower your standards. Now lets be honest here, we all know that our dream men posess qualities that are just simply outrageous/ridiculous. I mean you find a fine bobo , 6’2 tall, good behaviour and just because your dream man has six packs and he doesn’t you say no. Pssst! take it from me, your villagers are at work. Hopefully las las its not a midget aunty will marry.
On a more serious note though, we all need to re-evaluate and formulate more realistic expectations. Remember that at the end of the day, all you need is someone that makes you genuinely happy.
Break Free of your past
There is a catch phrase coined by my continuously mentioned aunt that just explains this point for me .
“Shenk the Sheges”
Dear darling girl or guy, you are out of that relationship for a reason. You cannot keep carrying a torch for your ex. In case you were not aware,everyone gives off a vibe subconsiously. No matter how much you want to get back into the game, without leaving the past behind you will keep giving off an unapproachable vibe to people interested in you.
your ex , in this case is the ‘shege’. You need to Shenk – ditch the Shege– bad luggage.
Plus , we all should be careful what kind of vibe we give off and we should also be doubly careful to not completely judge by the vibe a person gives off. It may all be in your head, so you gotta try to know for sure, Shikena.
You just don’t give a f#ck
Pardon the obscene word but honestly , those on this table just know themselves. If you fall into this category just smile to yourself. All i can say is Do your make up… or not ,dress up, go out and make the cash while having fun. When its the right time , the right guy will find you. Remember this tips for later.
Do not forget to like and comment guys. Plus share to every one you know and those you don’t. You can also follow me on IG @ireprubies and turn on post notifications to know when there is a new blog post. I try to post at least once a week but ideally twice (Tuesday and Saturday).
If you are like me, you do a lot of binge reading (from fashion posts to lifestyle, to food)…. Most times I just go on a reading spree and catch up on all the posts from my favorite bloggers. These seven blog posts from early this year are those that I found so so relatable and ones that I know you would enjoy (or else why am I doing this #wink). So without further Ado, let us get right into it
Let’s take a minute to appreciate how intrigued the title made me, I mean if @mindofamaka was not one of my favorite bloggers I would still have clicked on that link. @mindofamaka did not disappoint once I clicked on the link I was hooked till the end of the post and even then I just had to leave a comment.
This post was basically a sort of peek into her feelings and thoughts at a particularly rough time (sure we all have that once in a while). She highlighted the fact that ultimately we are all alone because honestly at the end of the day no one is going to have your back as much as you will. You and only you can fully grasp the magnitude of how down or depressed or frustrated you feel at any particular moment. What I loved most about this post is that she shared her story in the most relatable way possible and yet it still spoke to me, I mean I was crying towards the end of the post.
The truth is Life can be really rough at times but having posts like this can remind you that you are not alone and that all this will pass soon. I definitely highly recommend you read this blog post.
Lately with the heat wave I know I am not the only one that has considered just smuggling myself on a plane and leaving Nigeria for those who want to roast us with heat #lol. This style post comes in handy and is totally a lifesaver because as for me I look for clothes that will not cause me to be sweating buckets of water. The Camisole is a vital fashion item that you should know how to style especially now, so that you can get away with wearing just a camisole and yet be looking all shades of stylish. I definitely loved the way she compiled the post and how the picture inspiration she gave is “bangdandandang”. This is surely one for the ladies.
Hollup Guys!! Let’s keep all our civility for a minute and be ratchet… ‘Like Watagwan bruh if ya aint got ya finger on tha pulse of this series?!!!!’ (Pardon my Jamaican). This is my favorite of the favorite of the favorite blogs to follow. Let me just say #TeamTeni. Okay okay I’m sure you might be wondering what is she on about. So the side chick wars is a totally relatable, riveting, hilarious, down to earth tale about … yes ,you guessed right …… Wars between side chicks. I mean this is really juicy gist served on a platter. If it were a movie mehn, I would be glued to my TV set. Unfortunately the series just ended BUT she is alreadyhas another epic and so interesting story for us. I simply am addicted. Enough of my hyping, just click here to start reading and I promise you will be hooked.
Everything you need to do to have a productive February by @dearsalmah_
Okay , so it’s no more February , I know, but this post is one you should read even next year. Every one wants to have a productive month but most times we do nothing to actually achieve that goal. Here @dearsalamah highlights a few key points on how to have a productive month. These key points are basically the holy grail of being on top of every month or year. From tips like start saving to hang out with like-minded people this post is filled with lots of knowledge we can use. After all no knowledge is wasted.
Absolutely self-explanatory blog post title. I mean what kind of fashionista does not want to read a blog post on an outfit that combines three latest trends. Everyone definitely needs to read this, better late than never.
3 reasons why slogan tees are a must have by @thesvnflwr
Justification for my obsession that is so not a secret? Hook me up ASAP!
I really could not have expressed why you should join me in obsessing over slogan tees any better than @thesvnflwr did. She simply killed it, made me a lot more in love and is waiting to convert souls to the movement.
When friends turn monsters|tales of friendship and betrayal by @gyifted
Friendships and friends are a touchy subject for me. Sometimes your so called friends are the ones that stab you through the heart. So many times, we make the mistake of trusting the wrong friend and *boom* we end up hurt. @gyifted shares a few stories on friends turned monsters and betrayal and gives a few words of encouragement also. This post really spoke to me considering I just put up a post on this a few days ago. Check out the post from her here. You can also read my post on friendships plus an OOTD here.
I hope you enjoy these posts. Are there any posts you love? Why don’t you share in the comment section?
I have soooo sooo many more posts i would love to share with you. Drop a YES below if you want me to make another list of posts like this one.
How much time do you spend while dressing up? Luckily for me I concocted a special formula for getting dressed that takes five minutes so I can get some extra snooze time. Most of my friends spend so much time on dressing up while I catch some extra shut eye. Don’t get me wrong I can fall into this category too, sometimes I try on every outfit before deciding on the one I wore first. But because being short on time is a staple in my life (I like sleep too much) I had to become the fastest dresser. Without make up (I cannot do makeup) it takes me a maximum of 5 minutes to get dressed, and considering this is nothing short of a miracle for some I decided to share the deets.
CHOOSE YOUR OUTFIT
The first step is to decide what outfit you are in the mood for. This step would ideally be done the day before, but because I know myself and I know my people this should be done as soon as you are up. If you are like me and you like to stretch, while stretching pull up a visual of your wardrobe and mentally assemble your outfit. If you are not the stretching type, you can mentally prepare while in the shower. This will drastically eliminate the time you waste by standing in front of your closet and staring (Yes I know you do it).
Be sure to consider where you are going to pick comfortable and suitable clothes.
Make sure to stick to the basics. Remember you do not have enough time to pull off a complicated outfit. Basic color schemes and clothing items are best.
Having a WELL ORDERED WARDROBE does wonders for you throughout your “dressing like flash” process.
PICK OUT AND WEAR YOUR CLOTHES
After deciding what to wear, go to your wardrobe and see what you have to work with. If you have decided on what to wear- skirt and shirt/jeans and top/denim- pick out one of each and wear. Remember to stick to basic colors as it would help reduce the time spent on looking for matching bag, shoes and accessories.
NOTE: DO NOT STRAY FROM WHAT YOU HAVE DECIDED ON.
I know you could look into your wardrobe and a lovely dress would catch your eye after deciding on Denim. If you decide to switch, you would end up trying it on and then ditching it when you remember why you picked denim. OOPS!!! Suddenly you’ve spent 3 minutes trying and discarding a dress. Stick to the goal of getting dressed in 5 minutes.
At this point you probably have only about 2-3 minutes left and it’s time to turn a basic outfit into something stylish.
If you stuck to a basic color palette, then you might want to add a pop of color. You can add an extra clothing item like a jacket, scarf, beanie, beret while getting dressed. Now do not overdo it. Remember you are still going to accessorize and you do not want to end up looking like Christmas puked all over you. This is also where you can layer in style in case the weather is cold or its winter.
ACCESORIZE
I personally love this part because once I’m getting dressed, I immediately know what accessories to wear to downplay or spice up the outfit. Ideally though,stick with simple and chic accessories that take your outfit to Classy. Here are a few tips on accessories
Bangles can take an outfit from plain old to fun and sassy.
STICK TO NEUTRAL COLOURED BAG AND SHOE
So you are basically dressed, and so as not to start another debate just stick to those shoes and bag that go with everything. The ones in basic colors like black or nude or brown. It will not leave you looking too plain because you have accessorized and you also won’t look like you are overdoing it.
Having given you the secret formula, here are a few most easily put together outfit for different occasions
WHAT TO WEAR FOR DIFFERENT OCCASIONS
For Work
Pant trousers and a shirt
Accessories: Stud Earrings, wristwatch and heels or flats
For school
-Casual
Jeans and a top with sneakers/ballet flats
Accessories: Big earrings, wristwatch plus bangles
-Formal
Shirt and a Skirt plus ballet flats
Accessories: Big earrings, wristwatch and bracelet
For a women’s function
Skirt, chiffon top and heels
Accessories: Stud earrings, wristwatch and bangles (if you want)
For a Casual Outing
Denim on denim with a camisole plus sneakers/ballet flats
Accessories: Big earrings
photo credit for the flatlays: ME @ireprubies
For a date
A Knee length dress (sundress/bodycon) with heels or ballet flats
Accessories: Big earrings, chain, wristwatch and a bracelet
You will spend a lot of time getting dressed at times. That is okay, because after all “Slaying is serious business”. Has my secret formula been helpful? Like the post and drop a comment if it has.
QUICK QUESTION
Do you think if I finally learn make up you would want to learn with me?? And how about a 10 minute max. Make up look?? Drop a comment and let me know what you think.
It’s a brand new day and I just want exams to be over and the summer holidays be here already. Do like this🙋 #hands up if you need a long vacation – to Cuba or the islands (if you have big dreams like me). Honestly, I need a camera, overnight summer body and lots of money to spend. Lol, what a dream.
During the Easter holidays, I stayed with my aunt and her kids (my cousins) for a few days. I tend to be a little reserved when meeting new people ( especially family) so I went there with the mindset that I might not totally vibe with them. Luckily for me, I was wrong and not only did I vibe with them, we also became so close in a short while. Even with all my cousins’ wahala, we still had a blast. When I was packing for the visit, I packed really casually thinking that there would be no outing, so that left me having to wear home clothes out with my cousins (oops!). P.S You never want to have to go out with home clothes.
Fortunately, my cousins love me for me and not my fashion sense #laugh .That is why, with great consultations with the ‘cousins’ I decided to make a post on how to be the trendiest Cousin ever. *works like a charm every time*
DRESS UP
Well, you definitely cannot be the trendiest cousin if you are not trendy. Your fashion sense has to be topnotch in person and on Instagram.The cousins will judge you based on how you look and your instagram feed. To totally crush this part, you have to have your finger on the pulse of all things fashion, from latest trends, to styling clothes, to lots trending clothes plus the awesome instagram feed. Simply put, be FASHION but don’t overdo it. You can check out my post on dressing up in 5 minutes and yet come out looking stylish HERE.
Your cousins have to be able to relate with you or else all your dressing up will be in vain. Without you having a very easy, laidback and friendly relationship with your cousins, you will never be tagged the favorite. Your cousins have to be comfortable with you, chill with you, discuss latest trends, gossip, and their other interests and even gist you about their lives. This is the part that guarantees you the tag “favorite cousin”. This plus good fashion choices and you’re good to go.
BUY YOUR COUSINS STUFF (Lots of stuff)
Singing *money makes the world go round, money makes the world go round*
To quote my darling cousin (note that he is just 15, like whaaaattttt?!), ‘if you don’t buy us stuff then what exactly are you our favorite for?’ .My friends also fully support the motion by saying ‘an uncle/aunt that does not give you things, is that one and aunt/uncle?’. The bottom line is get them things, you do not need to go above board but the occasional top or jeans or shades or even money and credit will firmly secure your place in their minds.
I personally have a favorite uncle and while He is not my favorite because of money it doesn’t hurt either that he cares to send me things once in a while. I definitely did not even touch this part with my cousins though, I remember them telling me to get a ‘rich boyfriend’ so I would be able to take them out. Needless to say , I chased them round the house once they said that but we ended up laughing about it anyway.
Moral of the story: If you no get money hide your face.
BE YOURSELF, BE REAL
This part is easily the most important, because it really doesn’t matter if you are loaded to the heavens, dress hotter than the Kardashians and are as relatable as SpongeBob to kids, if you are not yourself it will show. Your personality is why people or cousins in this instance should like you. If you act fake, your cousins will fake an attitude to you too and there is no way you would be their favorite that way.
You really should not keep up an act (I’m sure that would be exhausting anyway). Make sure you are real and everything else will fall into place.
With all these tips, you’ll soon have the title of “favorite most fashionable cousin/sibling/family member”. I hope you enjoyed this post as much as I enjoyed writing it for you.
Luckily for me he told me earlier that we were going out. It’s the first weekend in months that I’d had anywhere to go.
I was happy not really because of the outing but because the less time I spent with him indoors, the better – I was already feeling pressured even though he repeatedly told me he had no expectations.
Here I was sitting at a bar alone waiting for him when I noticed there was a guy sitting next to me. I looked at him noticing that his lips (just the perfect size) were crooked up in a sort of one sided smile and his eyes were on me. His cologne filled the air and I felt a tensing in my belly as I inhaled the utterly delicious scent.
‘Have I seen you before?’ he asked
‘Have you?’ I reply a slight smile on my face
‘Yes, I have. You are the angel from my dreams’ he says with a rueful smile on his face
I burst into laughter while miming slow clapping ‘that line is so corny it should not work but with that self-depreciating smile on your face, somehow it does.’
Really smiling now, he turns to fully face me and instantly I know I would never have a problem trying to remember his face.
‘Who are you here with?’
‘… My boyfriend…’
But he hears he question in my voice and his eyes let me know it’s okay.
‘Who are you here with?’ I ask
‘A girl’ is his reply and I can hear all the unspoken messages he’s trying to tell me.
‘Here is my personal number’ he says tapping a number on the card ‘call me sometime, it is totally up to you’
Taking the card, I turn it over and ask for a pen. He gives me one and I write my phone number down on it. Capping the pen, I hand them both back to him.
‘I have made my choice. There is my number you call me….’ ‘But only if you want to…’ I add
I can see the tension leave his shoulders and he smiles at me as he stands up to leave. He leaves just as abruptly as he came but not before I feel the feather light touch of his fingers trail a short distance over my bare shoulders. I smile because he gets that too, that I needed touch to assure me that this is reality.
Finally, I see my boyfriend walking toward me with the food I asked for and I’m wondering how suddenly all the butterflies are gone.
A Diary is a book full of your hopes, dreams, secrets and life lessons.
Keeping a Diary was the second thing I was dedicated to in high school. My Diary was my bestie (You can see why I did not have a real bestie HERE) and my confidante, it held basically everything about my life and the lessons I learned in it. After I had people steal and read my first diary ever, I made sure the next diary had a lock.
For me junior school is sort of a blur, it was all about getting good grades and following the rules. By the time I got to SS2 however, I realized that I barely remembered anything about junior school. Determined to change that I made sure to change up my habits and have fun. A few weeks ago though, I came across my diaries and I sat down and went through them again. It took a while but reading the diaries really opened my eyes and put a lot of things in perspective. Here are a few life lessons I want to share with you that I learned from reading my diaries again.
Live Life to the fullest so you do not have regrets.
One thing I do regret about secondary school is the fact that I did not open up fast. While reading my diary I discovered that going to the hostel in Jss3 saw a particular incident that caused a change in my behavior. After deciding to actually live , I then began to see life in color, have fun, make memories – sad, happy, fun and somber. Truthfully this life lesson may seem like one that is a given. Unfortunately, you would be surprised at how many people are going through life with grey colored glasses on. From the moment I decided to actually live, I began to make memoirs. Looking back now, the memories I have are mainly of those final days in school.
Throughout high school, I did not date anyone not because I did not want to but because I was convinced that I had met the love of my life. Reading this in my diary was both embarrassing, funny and sad at once. While reading I began to try to pinpoint one reason why I decided I was in love with him and I still cannot find one. I was totally infatuated with him (and the laugh lines around his eyes). I was so sure he was the one that I decided to wait around till he was ready to date me. Unfortunately for me, after wasting a lot of time I finally pulled up the courage to talk to him only to get a good dose of reality and heartbreak.
Reading through this I once again felt a sort of replica of the pain I was going through. Seeing how much I cried after dedicating so much time and my fragile emotions into him was heartbreaking and freeing at the same time. After suffering heartbreak, I turned my thoughts to revenge (how to make him pay) and even that eventually fizzled out. Now I realize that the life lesson I should have held on to from that is the fact that you cannot make anyone love you.
It was really not love, but at the time I would have bet a lot on the fact that we would end up married with kids and a great life. I had big dreams, and now I know those dreams will still be reality but this time with the right person.
Embracing change is not so easy. Going into secondary school I was a quiet, jaded girl who had been through lots of family issues and I had walls of reinforced steel around myself. Leaving high school, I had drastically changed into a more jovial, still cautious but happier girl.
The day in Jss3 when my life changed started as any other with me minding my business, keeping to myself. I had joined the hostel two weeks prior but I still kept sitting where I used to in class instead of with the ‘boarders’ (what students in the hostel were called). On this day one of my hostel mates – Nike – got angry at the fact that I refused to associate with them. She cruelly embarrassed me in front of the other boarders. She called me all sorts of names including cry baby and little girl and basically told me I was afraid of everything. Her words made me run to the top floor and hide there, crying all day.
One of my sort of friends at the time found me there and comforted me. During this I realized that even though she was cruel and mean in the way she said the words to me, she was actually right. I had been so concerned with protecting myself that I did too good a job in cutting myself off from people.
That was the turning point. From then, I began to open myself up one step at a time till it became second nature to me to be like that. No change is easy, but it almost always leads to a better version of you.
No matter how bad it is, it will always get better.
Even in secondary school, I went through some ups and downs that seemed almost insurmountable. After reading my diary, I said a quick thank you to God for how far I have come now. No matter how bad it gets, it can always get better is the life lesson I took away from this.
You definitely will #winks. I see my throwback pictures and Lord! Lord! I thank you for where I am now. That is not to say I was not cute, because I was. But then again, they are called throwback pictures for a reason.
Here is the only throwback picture I can release with peace of mind #laughs.
There are a lot more lessons I have learnt from reading my diary again and I would love to share more with you.So if you would love to read more of this comment YES down below.
‘I say I’m badder than, all of you, all of you…. Actually I gym more than some of you, some of you’
Wearing my favorite pair of black stretchy legging (from @dkhay_empire) and my neon green sports bra under a black tank top with sneakers on and ear buds in and jamming to Davido’s all of you. I was feeling all fly and shii because I was on my way to the gym.
I was all up in my baby girl for life mood the first day I hit the gym and started my journey into the world of fitness. Two weeks in and I’m no longer walking to the gym like I’m going for a fashion show, now I am either tired to my bones or I’m psyched and ready to feel the pain and own it.You are wondering how I got to that stage abi? Let me tell you the story.
How my Gym vibes changed
For the first three days, I would hit the gym with my ‘lazier than I am’ friend and my ‘gym addicted’ housemate. I and my ‘Lazier friend ‘would be trained by the instructor and he would give us basic exercises to do that to me were not unreasonable. My lazier friend though would complain and I would join her because ‘why I go wan look like oversabi?’
After all the gyming oo, I would then go home and be lamenting in my mind because I did not feel sore or a lot different. Okurr. Then things changed.
The week after I had crazy class schedules that would see me walking home exhausted about 4pm and I would still have to hit the gym that evening. My wonderful friend did not even just bother to show her face (aunty haff tire) and Uncle Gym addicted house mate found a new hobby (biko why now? Better reset your brain to default settings ooo). So imagine me, baby girl for life mood don ‘run away’, contemplating the wahala I put myself into ooo just because I want to wear crop top. In fact was I blind when I was eating all the food and it was storing in my stomach? #crying emoji. That’s when my gym instructor now decided to switch up his game on me, like ‘did I offend you before sir?’
Gym wahala
This fateful day sha, I went to the gym jejely and I was stressed ehn.Luckily for me, after about two minutes I saw my gym crush coming, Thank you Jesus ooo see motivation. Mr. Crush came in greeted the few of us in the gym and proceeded to take off his shirt ‘Can I get a hallelujah somebody?!!!!!’ If you see me drooling that day ehn, I produced the rivers of water from my mouth.
That was when the gym instructor interrupted the fantasy of my hands and those chiseled abs to tell me to join some other ladies being trained by one guy. I was about to vex, I mean he just interrupted my fantasy until I saw that the guy that was training too was a fine boy.
The heavens are smiling upon me today. So I moved over and joined them in the stretches as they were just starting. We started with touching out toes while sitting with your head touching your knee and the other leg folded (please when I am not a gymnast, my head dinnur touch my knee oo).
Next we moved on to other stretches including the child pose and then he gave us the last one that caused gobe.in my mind I was nau wondering is this one stretching too???
That’s when my crush decided to speak up ‘Ahan, no wonder you will go from 8 to 8 on top of somebody’s child. Brother take it easy na.’ In my mind I kuku agreed, it’s their type that will kill somebody’s child , but what is my own let me stretch my stretch in peace.
The trainer then replied my crush “it is good now, but I met you in the business oo, my own 8 to 8 is your foreplay”
FUNKEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kuku kill me o because of working out
All this one o we were still holding the stretch position. Finally we finished stretching and moved on to real abdominal exercises. Remember I said I used to lament because I was not doing enough? Omo by the second exercise I knew that Na to just die here remain ooo.
Me that I was forming BOSS before, I began to confess to myself oo ‘I shall not die but live to see another gym day’ can I get an AMEN!!!!
From leg raise, to flutter kicks, to crunches, to inverse crunches to Russian twist it was a serious matter. After 74years we finally finished. I just collapsed on my mat like no, I just got back from a 100year trek in the desert without water (Sense wee not kill me abeg).
Can you now imagine that as me I lay on the workout mat panting, our superwoman now stood up rejuvenated and went on to do squats with 30kg weights #it is well.
I just jejely packed up my load ooo and hobbled to my house. I was sure that I would barely be able to get out of bed the next morning.
As long as we live to see anther gym day sha.
Here are a few tips to help you get through week one of the gym:
Dress comfortably . Dont be like me oo ,the gym is not a place to go and find ozzband biko so dont dress like that.
it is not easy!!!!Dont assume it is easy, go prepared to work your ass off . It looks easy but all na scam.
Make sure to eat well, Diet as i have been told is 90% of the workout.
Don’t forget to like, comment, share and keep up with me on social media. Till next week loves
image from www.apairandaspare.com
